Posts tagged life
Leaving Liberty: New digs, ahoy! + SebastiAn and other things.
Apr 17th
Hey hai happy humpday ladies and gentlekids! Now please, for the love of cripes, chill.
I did not delete my blog (okay, I did, but not on purpose or for very long) I am not lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did (see?) and like, thank you white knights for your “IS EVERYHING OKAY?!” messages but I do not need your *hugz* or “to talk?”
I’ve simply been busy… and perhaps a little bit too forthcoming with the emo-stagrams?
COME ON, IT’S ENDLESS WINTER! You’re depressed too.
In all seriousness though, I’m good.
Work is awesome awesome awesome, my comedy stuff is progressing nicely, and sheet, I’ll be darned if the exhaustion of Lau is not the evolution of Lauren as well.
In fact, I have some exciting (for me) news to share on that front…
BUT FIRST — please enjoy my new favourite (actually, second favourite… actually, third favourite) dance-centric French music video of all time; Embody by SebastiAn:
UNF! Right? Such a sick video.
Also grand? This image I found on Reddit the other day called “1993″ vs “2003″ :
This white-nosed black squirrel I found in a bush on King St. yesterday (!!!) :
This :
Ha!
Annnnnd Anthony Jeselnik, Daniel Tosh (it’s Tuesday) and pretty much everything I Tumbled last night.
My longform blog here may be suffering under the weight of my schedule, but I’m active as ever out there in the weirdo clickyverse. If you want bite-sized funny, hit Clusterfizzle or Twittah.
But I digress.
Here’s what’s up: just over one week ago today, I signed the lease on a brand new pad — My first real grownup apartment. No roomies, no parents, no boyfriend, just me. BOOYAH / Holy f–k.
As cool as that is, it’s scary too. I’m stressed out about moving my stuff again, kind of nervous about being responsible enough to manage my own householdish, and still very much dealing with the circumstances surrounding this move — but I’m also stoked as heck to be in a place where I can finally afford my own apartment in downtown Toronto.
I’d always kind of assumed that as a young journalist I’d have to sell at least 50 3D-printed kidneys on the black market BEFORE I could spend money on things like… lamps and tables for lamps to go on… so this is a big thing for me.
Leaving Liberty Village was a very conscious decision – one that was bittersweet.
I loved this neighbourhood when I first moved into it a few years ago, but the deluge of new condos has made it feel like even less a part of the city than it was before, which is shocking considering how closed off it already is. There’s so little culture here too that the vibe feels almost… suburban.
My building has become choked out by new condos around it, overcrowded with obnoxious yuppies and uh, bye bye awesome view.
Judge for yourself. The rest of Toronto did, and I’m not just being a hipster. Liberty Village has changed — and in this girl’s opinion, not for the better. I will miss my crystal castle, but I’m happy about where I’m headed too (also downtown west.)
You’ll see tons of “LOOK AT MY NEW LAMP” photos once I actually move in a few weeks, but for now I’d like to reflect upon the apartment hunting process itself — because if there’s anything more hilariously frustrating than trying to find a second dancing James Brown doll to lampify, it’s trying to find a nice yet affordable 1 bedroom place to rent in a cool neighbourhood in the heart of Canada’s largest city.
Spoiler alert: I worked really effing hard.
(To be continued…)
Dogs in Pantyhose, Vadering is Stupid and thoughts on JC Superstar
Apr 8th
What up, frands?
Life is straight up crazy for me right now — so much change afoot. Good changes. Strange changes. Stressful changes. EXCITING changes!
I don’t even know where to begin with that stuff, so here’s this instead:
Dogs wearing pantyhose, or Gou Gou Chuan Siwa, is a thing right now on the Chinese Internet (which is the same Internet we’re on, only incomprehensible unless you speak Mandarin or Cantonese — in which case I’m sincerely jealous of you.) :
The photo fad is pretty self-explanatory at a tertiary glance: Dogs + Pantyhose = Dogs wearing pantyhose.
It was initiated by Sina Weibo user Ulatang according to Kotaku via Sharp Daily, and spread like wildfire after people started riffing upon his concept.
Instructions for participation: Put pantyhose on your dog. Maybe some heels, also. Take a picture. Upload it to Weibo. Laugh and laugh and laugh and wait for PETA to go HAM.
You can also try to put pantyhose on your cat, but I don’t recommend doing that. I’m down a nice pair of pantyhose and at least 3 drops of blood.
I do love a good Weibo meme — much more so than a lot of what I’m seeing on the North American viral web lately, which I’ve already betched about at length on here and on Twitter so I won’t go too deep into it.
To quote my own CBCNews piece on the lameness of a trend called “Vadering” that Mashable / Buzzfeed / All of those guys hailed as totally epic and awesome “It would appear as though some people are growing tired of these flash-in-a-pan memes…”
To quote Geekosystem’s Rollin Bishop, who doesn’t need to appear as unbiased as I do:
“At the risk of sounding like Old Man Internet telling all the new folks to get off his lawn, we all should really just agree that Vadering is not actually an Internet meme. At best it’s a sad attempt to seed the beginnings of one, and at worst it’s the scummiest kind of viral marketing. Either way, there’s definitely nothing good going on.”
laaaaaaame
Back to the wonders of Weibo, though.
Sina Weibo, as you may know, is a massively popular microblogging service often described as “Chinese Twitter” even though it’s more of a Twitter / Facebook hybrid according to people who can actually use it.
Like me, a lot Chinese internet memes are weird — at least to North Americans — which is probably why I like them. They’re fresh. Almost freshly weird the Japanese internet — like Japanese things in general. But that’s another book. Maybe I’ll write it from Osaka. A girl can dream… of STUFF LIKE THIS:
I’m not trying to say that a “dogs in pantyhose” photo meme is any more clever or cool than something like the Harlem Shake (which I openly revile, for so many reasons), but it’s definitely weirder. It’s funny, it’s odd, and it kind of makes people uncomfortable, which makes it edgy.
This is what life has come to. Hailing housepets in women’s lingerie as “edgy” on my blog. Be proud, mommy. Now, for the unfinished blog post I started last week whilst home for the rock opera holiday:
“Bonjeezy. I’m watching Jesus Christ Superstar with my parents right now because it’s Easter, and that’s what we do around these parts. That, and eat so much food it hurts.
Being that my mom and dad — who grew up in the 70′s when this film came out and still kind of believe in God stuff (mom, anyway) don’t appreciate my snarky running commentary, scream-sing-alonging and Simon-style zealot dancing, I’ve decided to share some my awesome thoughts with YOU because now even Twitter can’t even handle the amount of characters I’m about to throw down.
A little bit of background: I’ve seen this movie no less than 20 times and the broadway musical twice. I was actually pretty obsessed with in back in Grade 8 when my parents ordered the Soundtrack. I’d play it in my room and sing along while acting scenes out with my teddy bears, which tells you a lot about why I didn’t really fit in at school so well.
THOUGHTS ON JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR, 2013 VIEWING.
- Judas is such a hater – like, the biggest hater ever. What does he even do in this film aside from sit in the corner and scowl before scuttling over to bitch at Jesus?
“Ugh, Jesus, I can’t believe you’re hanging out with Mary Magdalene.”
“Wahhh, Jesus you’re letting way too many people into our crew.”
“Jeeeesus, that ointment is expensive. You’re flippant and careless with your money.”
Do you know what my lady mags call people like that, Jeez? TOXIC FRIENDS.
Judas can’t handle your success right now. He’s jealous — and I’ve got half a mind to think that if Mary Magdalene weren’t so gaga for you, he’d have tried to schtoop her for spite.
Instead, he ratted you out to a bunch of murderers.
If only Cosmo had existed in 0 A.D.
- Jesus is an emo kid. If Judas is Regina George, Jesus is Daria.
You know that awesome scene were Simon and all of his cool hippie friends dance for Jesus (in 110 degree heat, by the way — not comfortable) and instead of saying “Wow, thank you guys so much! You didn’t need to do this. Like, wow… seriously. Thanks.” he’s all “NONE OF YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT POWER OR GLORY IS.”
How rude!
If I were Simon I’d have been like “I get it, you’re stressed, but I feel a little bit hurt right now. We choreographed this entire dance and danced REALLY REALLY hard for you just now and all you can do is call us uninformed? Fine, Jesus. Go save Africa then. I’m going home.”
———-
That’s as far as I got in my critique before I got mad distracted by my (now complete!) apartment hunt again.
My Easter break was nice. Always good to get home to see the fams 
SEE INSTAGRAM FOR MORE PICS BECAUSE I AM LE TIRED AND DON’T FEEL LIKE UPLOADING THEM ALL.
In other news, it’s April Now, which means I’m up on the Movember calendar! Cool!
Also: Did you know that there’s a subreddit devoted to GIFs of chemical reactions?
Wicked.
I’m off to watch Season 3 Episode 2 of GoT. Now matter how many cool things happen in real life, this will always be the highlight of my week
(build your own GoT family insignia here, or find out how you’d die in Westeros over at Vulture.)
Night night. More on the place sitch next time
No duckface, even. Times, as I said, they are a changing.
The hipster shop, being geek chic and “awww, you guys!”
Mar 5th
“You like cats?” asked the slow-speaking Urban Outfitters cashier as he price-checked a holographic iPhone case for me.
“Yeah… but I’ve always been into cats,” I replied. “Like, I liked cats before they were cool. Before they became this big thing on the internet…”
“Yeah man, like the Weeknd…”
Woah.
The sole reason that I’m wearing my too-short bangs under a hat or twisted to the side until they grow out is so that I don’t look like a stupid hipster. I don’t look like a hipster, I don’t dress like a hipster, and I don’t act like a hipster (F*CK BRUNCH. Yeah, I said it.). But dag nabbit if I don’t say things that make me sound like one sometimes.
“I liked cats before they were cool.”
WHO EVEN SAYS THAT? Cleopatra’s grandma?!?
Okay so hi… *blush*
Remember that one time in Grade 4 when a seagull pooped on your head during outdoor gym class and you started bawling and ran into the school humiliated, not because you’d been pooped on (that part was actually pretty funny) but because you’d started wailing like a little baby in front of all your classmates, and so the secretary called your daddy to come and pick you up from school so that you could take a shower and then all of the sudden it’s the next day and you arrived at school in the morning and felt everybody staring at you like ” she stooopittt….”
That’s never happened to me.
I was the girl who peed her pants on the trampoline in gymnastics when she was 8 (true story,) but the seagull thing felt more relevant here — plus it totally happened to a boy in my class so it’s not entirely a fabrication.
What I’m trying to say is “Thank you” and “I’m okay.”
I received a flood of emails and messages in response to my last post, all of them touching and much appreciated. Some of them even made me misty-eyed. The one with the underwear guy made me dry heave (AGAIN) but this is the internt and that’s what you get when you put your email address on your blog alongside photos of yourself trying on skirts at Urban Outfitters.
a) I love that coat on the left but didn’t buy it because like, bills. b) I DID buy the skirt on the right because it’s leather and pleated and crazy cute. I tried on the tee for lulz, but am now reminded of something else I stumbled upon recently.
Cats Rule Everything Around Me
C.R.E.A.M. — Cats rule everything around me. What a creature! Thanks again to Google Images for that gemly gem.
Back to what I was saying though, about the nice comments and things you said… a lot of it was quite useful and helpful. If I haven’t replied to you yet, don’t worry – I saw it, I love it, and I’ll reply soon (unless you’re underwear guy, natch.)
I’m in the planning stages of a redesign now. I hope to get a new, cleaner, more modern layout up by the beginning of April. It might not be perfect, but it will be done. Some new editorial themes and features will likely roll out after that. I don’t want to stop blogging, but like I said before, some things need to change. I love you all for sympathizing and understanding.
My friend Holly passed along this excellent piece on procrastination, perfectionism, achievment and expectations that I think you’ll really like (or at least feel) if my last post resonated with you: Procrastination is not Laziness, by David Cain (who is a FANTASTIC blogger, btw. Canadian too)
All I do is shop shop shop, no mattah what… Oh my ew. I just sang something in the style of DJ Khaled. WHO AM I?
Shopping – not necessarily buying – is therapy for me. It makes me feel good. Pretty things, clothes, gadgets… those things make me happy. American Apparel and Future Shop, I could go for days. Most of those days would be spent laughing at of the funny outfits I can put together at American Apparel
Anyoo, check it oot! I’m “Lady geek of the week” at Being Geek Chic — a self-described “blog for stylish geeks, sophisticated nerds and people who enjoy the musings of a complete dork.” Wicked! My favourite kind of honour
Head on over to BGC for the rest of that interview to see who I cited as my ultimate fictional style inspiration (hint: IT’S TOTALLY SAILOR MOON AND BLAIR WALDORF MIXED TOGETHER LIKE A SWIRL CONE.)
Bed time for this gal. Balance, ya?
P.S. – PLOT THINE PUSS ON THE CAT MAP, MEOW! For the tigers. For the tigers.
Gram Slam, Instasham, I live life on Tumblr…
Jul 25th
Presented without comment, this hilarious piece called Instasham by Pandyland’s Andy Pandy:
RIGHT?
That’s probably a lot funnier to me than it should be. It’ll be double funny to my boyfriend / family / co-workers / everyone else who knows me (except for my friends, because they all do it too.)
My feline family won’t be amused, on the other paw, because they’re the ones I’m always commanding to pose pretty.
Also, their comprehension of the English language is quite poor, so the entire premise of that comic would fly right over their fuzzy little heads anyway.
Here are my 50 most recent grams — about 2 weeks’ worth, it seems to be. If you want to go back even further, go for it. I get pretty snap-happy during the mitten-free months.
How many do YOU think were shammed?
That one took a few minutes to set up, between moving the pops and napkins out of the way, arranging Sean’s sushi nicely, getting the angle right and waiting for the perfect Breaking Bad screen to capture.
He didn’t care.
Finally, because it IS Wednesday, would you rockkkkk this Lana Del Rey suit jacket? God bless whoever made (or shopped) it and put the photo onto Tumblr / Pinterest (whichever came first. Chicken, egg, it matters not.)
Finally, I rescind my “finally,” above for one more thing: A video. A video of featuring a cover of Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” to be specific.
Just watch to see why it doesn’t suck (lyrics in the video description here. It helps to follow along.)
RIGHT?
High school fashions from 1969 x SXSW Street Snaps
Apr 25th
Behold, my dear homies: it-girl chic, circa 1969…
Seriously. You’re not looking at a photo I took in Trinity Bellwoods Park (or wherever the hipsters hang out in your ‘hood) last month (or whenever it was last warm enough to go outside without a parka on in your ‘hood).
These are real photos of real teenagers taken by Arthur Shatz for Life Magazine 43 years ago.
If they were high school seniors at the time, these gals are approximately 60 years old now.
I hate mortality.
What I don’t hate are vintage fashion trends (is that an oxymoron?), particularly those from the late 60s and early 70s. If my mom wasn’t 9 at time, I would totally blast her for not saving everything she owned in that year for me.
Festival season is prime time for hippie-wear, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. You read Refinery29 right? You should. That’s not even a plug, just honest-to-goodness advice.
I’d love to intersperse these stunning, could-almost-past-for-contemporary images with some of the hippp street style photos I took at Coachella, but I didn’t take any hippp vintagephotos at Coachella because I didn’t GO to Coachella this year (or any other year, ever, but that’s beside the point. SHADDUP!)
So, instead of contrasting these images against photos from a festival that is like, SO two weeks ago, I’ll use some photos from a festival that was actually two MONTHS ago.
Can you spot which photos are from 1969 and which are from SXSW 2012? CAN YOU SPOT A SHATZ FROM AN O’NIZZLE?
(LIFE images via Miss Moss)
And now, to leave you with a little bit of true contemporary blogger girl fashion, Black Milk x Jeffrey Campbell (I KNOW!) x LASER CATS (I KNOWWWW!!!!):
And also, a photo of my little brother’s cat hanging out with Tiger Woods. NBD. Mini’s got mad game.
Leveling Up: New Job, New Blog (sort of)
Mar 5th
Ladies, gentlemen, and ghosts who can access the Internet raw,
I’ve got some big news to share:
Nope. Even Bigger.
Well, for me anyway. Marilyn Pickard probably doesn’t care much about the career of some Canadian she’s never met.
I’ve been keeping this quiet (sort of) for what feels like months because, indeed, it was months ago that all of this started. That’s why it feels like months. I gave up hyperbolic language eons ago.
I’ve got a new job. A really, really great one.
Directly upon my return from the South By Southwest conference in Austin, I’ll be joining the community and social media team at CBCNews.ca.
This is an incredible opportunity that, in many ways, I’ve been working towards my entire life. I can safely say that I’ve never been this excited, optimistic or nervous (read: anxious to succeed) about anything career-related before.
If you understand this, *fist bump*
While it was a difficult decision for me to leave my old job, journalism (online and television in particular) is where my heart lies. Hey, I didn’t go to j-school for no reason.
I will always have a keen an interest in creative advertising and entertainment, but when an opportunity arrises to work for one of the world’s best media corporations doing exactly what you love to do, you do not say no. You do not hesitate. You thank your lucky stars for the opportunity and dive head first into it.
I look forward to learning, working, growing and, eventually helping to shape the face of news in an increasingly digital world.
I’m stoked to be joining an organization that values creativity, innovation and journalistic excellence the way that CBC/Radio Canada does.
And after writing / deleting countless paragraphs elaborting upon how I feel, I think that’s all I’m going to really say about this right now. I’m happy
So what does this mean for Lauren O’Nizzle?
Well, first off no more MTV (Creeps, I hardly new ye!), CosmoTV, or any other major network activity. So BACK OFF already, NBC! I’m not interested in replacing Jay Leno just yet…
I’ll still be blogging, tweeting and vlogging, but my focus is shifting.
Less “omgaw look at this sweet party and how cool my friends arrrre” (that’s played out, anyway), and more of what I love. Clothes. Comedy. Gadgets. Design. Culture. Adventures in the city.
Things befitting of a respectable (yet somewhat quirky and unabashedly geeky) young journalist.
I’ve actually been toying of the idea of making this a straight up fashion blog. Style through a comedic lens. I love few things more than clothes and lollage. What do you think?
… Maybe I’ll work on the fashion thing a bit first
Love always,
Tetris Leggings, Pop Phones, Icarus Kicks abd Sh*t Nyan Cat Says
Feb 15th
Hai friends!
Have you seen these Tetris “retro gamer” tights yet? They’re done by Black Milk, obviously.
Is it just me, or is Black Milk making news at an increasingly frequent rate? October 2010: The R2D2 Swimsuit. July 2011: The Steve Buscemi Dress. Last week: the meat leggings and yesterday, nyaw.
Methinks they’ve got some brilliant people over there in Australian fashion land. Nerd merch is hot. Nerd culture is commodified. LET’S ALL PLAY COOL!
I’d rock the Tetris tights in heartbeat, but I wouldn’t spend 100 bones on them. You see, I’m confident enough in my gaming skills not to feel the need to envelop my lower body in a tribute to them. And also, I am broke.
Here are a few more of the things I’m coveting but shouldn’t buy. Blog therapy will have to substitute for retail therapy until I pay of the mortgage I’m saving to buy.
EVERYTHING from Jeremy Scott x Adidas 2012.
Icarus. That’s me!
Last but not least, remember all of the “Sh*T ___ Says” videos? Don’t make another one. It’s played out. Proof of that can be found on Buzzfeed’s “Has Anyone Said this Sh*t?” Search engine:
The Sh*t Nyan Cat Says video is still my favourite. Bwahahaha…
Big party tonight and two Social Media Week Panels tomorrow. The fact that I’m more concerned with what I’ll be wearing over the next few days is probably indicative of something…
Maybe I’ll be a fashion blogger when I grow up. Or maybe I’ll be a business man or an award winning novelist. I don’t know. I’ve got to go buy some things to fill the black hole in my heart now
Busy is the Purple Loosestrife of words and I resolve to do more Stand-up Comedy in 2012.
Jan 4th
Look mommy! Look! Look at me! I’m gunna jump in the pool! Mom?… Dad?… HEY! GUYS! LOOK!… LOOK AT MEEEE!!!
Phoebe Cates O’Nizzle. Poolpoolpool!
On Sunday evening I tested out my building’s pool for the very first time with Sean, and it was a veritable funanzza! I’d been meaning to go for a swim down there since we moved into the place but every time I got the notion to suit up, “busy” popped into my brain.
Bwahaha. Not Busy Ramone, sillies! This busy:
Ohhhh that Garfield’s so zany, isn’t he? He looks like Willie but he’s not like Willie because he’s got PEOPLE THOUGHTS, like “Where can I get some lasagna meow meow? Odie had better stay away from my littler box meow meow! Jon doesn’t have a nose and his face looks like cartoon vagine meow meow…”
“Busy” is the purple loosestrife of words in my opinion. It chokes out entire sentences, entire conversations, entire relationships. Like the noxious-yet-beautiful weed invading my province’s majestic marshes, “busy” is often perceived positively by those who reside outside of the ecosystem.
“What’s the harm in keeping busy?“, think those people who have enough leisure time to do their own laundry and cook from time to time. “Well what’s the harm in a mass of pretty purple flowers?”, said I before my Daddy (the nature pro) explained that nothing is wrong with Loosestrife, unless you ask the wildlife displaced from Ontario wetlands destroyed by it. Or farmers who’ve had massive crops killed by it. Or Kyle’s cousin Kyle who suffers from teeearrahble allahgieeees.
Busy renders plans and ideas useless where they’ve barely even sprouted, overtaking one’s consciousness and replacing joy with anxiety. Creativity with stress. Ambitious young women with overworked shells. And I will have none of it. No more.
One of my new year’s resolutions is to say “no” to busy more often. I’ll say “no” to “yes” when that’s what’s best because I’ve only got one life to live, and it’s my life dag nabbit – nobody else’s. BLONDE JOVI! Er, green jovi…
Here are a few more goals I’d like to pursue in 2012 and beyond:
- Do more standup. A lot more.
- Live with kindness at the forefront of my consciousness.
- Work on being a more patient person.
- Redesign my blog (So overdue).
- Cut together a voice acting demo reel and get my silly sounds out there. Cartoon character = dream job.
- Cut together my hosting reel and send it out to every teevee station and online news outlet in the whole wide WORLD!
- Sleep regularly. Sleep like a real human and function like one too.
- Get more involved in my community here.
- Produce my own Youtube Show. Something consistent and themed and of the best quality possible.
- Save up for a great camera.
- Get Kickstarted.
- Be like a dog in a car…
- Volunteer with Meals on Wheels like I’ve always wanted to.
- Keep my pretty new bike (Thanks Seany!) safe from thieves and ride it very very much. With a helmet
- Play that “smile at random people on public transit” game that used to bring me so much joy when I first moved to Toronto..
- Practice my Final Cut Pro skills
- Learn After Effects – learn it well!
- Produce some kinetic typopgraphy videos. Even if only just one.
- Lauren / Sean Sundays. Keep it going all year.
- Connect with more like-minded individuals and create something big.
- Check out the rock climbing joint near my house before it gets warm outside. A lovely indoor activity!
Torontartica hurts my face.
- Go back to yoga. One class per week, at least. I really need to do this.
- Start using 750 words for morning pages, a la The Artist’s Way.
- Make a friggin’ budget and stick to ittttttt.
- Self discipline. Develop it.
- Take an hour each week to organize, recalibrate and focus on my art.
- Keep my space clean.
- Make it a point to see beauty in unexpected places
- Stop wasting money on things that don’t matter and saving for what does.
- Lay out goals and make action plans to reach them
- Push myself to try new things more often
- Spend more time with good people, less time with bad influences
- Visit my parents more often. Much more often. I live 4 hours away – one day, it could be a lot further.
- Read more books
- Be on time, all the time.
- Lose bad attitudes and stop putting up with the bad attitudes of others
- Believe in my own potential and take steps to reach it
- Forget about the pursuit of fame and fortune, find what makes me happy every single day (probably fortune).
- Make my health a priority.
- Start freelance writing regularly. Actually develop and submit queries.
- Figure out my niche (not cats)
- Kick my blog up a few notches
- Redesign and update my portfolio
- BE POSITIVE
- Produce a short documentary film. Maybe I’ll push myself really hard and get something cool together in time to enter TVO’s Doc Studio Contest. Surely, if I were still in journalism school, it would be ON. I miss those cameras. Those editing bays. Free time to pursue projects of great interest and importance to me. Which brings me to this final “if I’m not happy with my career in 5 years” dream goal…
I’ve been looking into PhD programs at American universities that, as a non-wealthy Canadian, I could never afford without a massive scholarship and, as somebody who isn’t a freaking number one stunna (say what, what, what?), could never get a scholarship. Or probably even a Visa.
So maybe I’ll apply to some schools in Europe or Canada in 5 years if I’m not a bomb infomercial producer / Youtube Superstar who also hosts Weekend Update yet…
A girl can dream, right?
Dash out, Pumpkin Pi and Palindrome Day…
Nov 2nd
First off, Christmas has come to Starbucks and Tim Hortons will start serving espresso in less than two weeks.
And now you know what’s up in the world of Canada’s two largest crack houses coffee chains.
I am joyful for the joy tea, but sad for all of the sad jack-o-lanterns I saw chilling on door steps during my lunch-break walk today. I saw lots of Halloween decorations in the alley waiting to go to garbage land too. I also this (which is not sad at all):
Come out and playyyyyyy!
Mostly, I am sad for the little pi pumpkin I made the other day because he’s no longer relevant enough to serve as my main bitch paperweight.
Then again, neither is exercise Barbie and she’s been chilling on my desk since last November. Maybe I’ll keep them both around a little bit longer. It’s far too early for a “holiday” tree.
Secondlyyyy, look at today’s date:
Thats right, homies – IT’S ANOTHER PALINDROME DAY! One of only 12 this century. Go hang a salami; I’m a lasagna hog.
According to mathletes, Nov. 2, 2011 is a particularly special palindrome date because it’s divisible by the cube of the middle prime of the three consecutive primes or something.
Aziz Inan is a professor of electrical engineering at the University of Portland and he will now blow your mind with numbers.
My favourite palindrome is still the name of everybody’s favourite spicy little feline. No, not Mexican Nyan Cat…
They showed a photo of Tacocat on a local news station here in Toronto the other morning during a roundup of pet halloween costumes.
The hosts were raving over how funny the photo was, completely oblivious to the fact that they’d been trolled. I was feeling mighty hip for knowing what was up…
“Psh, Taco Cat is SO 5 years ago…” I scoffed to Willy, who stared back blankly for a few seconds before before walking away. It was then that I realized I’m not very cool for knowing this.
Derf.net has 460 more palindromes here if you’re into that kind of stuff (I’m into that kind of stuff).
Moving along.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t comment on Kim Kardashian’s divorce, but this is a goooooood bit. Greg Leuch‘s “Dash Out” browser plugin allows you to “white-out the over-produced reality of the Kardashians” while you surf:
If you’re getting tired of seeing big-butt-brunette-Barbie’s face all over the blogs, download Dash Out here. Brilliant! I fall deeper in love with these F.A.T. Labs people all the time. Such fun things they do.
Speaking of fun, I built up a list of Halloween links and content that I didn’t get a chance to roll out before Nov. 1st, so here’s a wee linkfarm:
Sweet costume uses 2 ipads to create a gaping stomach hole
Some French childrens’ witch makes soup with stuff found between her legs
Party Rock Halloween Light Show (so cool)
For the sake of completion, let’s say that Day 10 was a set of ghostie fingernails that I’m 10% finished applying.
Day 11 was the pile of photos I dumped in my last post, and Day 12 was GOING to be a round up of my favourite TV specials but then I saw Splitsider’s list of all 66 Treehouse Of Horror segments, ranked worst to first, and how the heck can I even try to compete with that?
Go read that instead. It’s good.
The “Costume For my Kitty” didn’t really work out either. Willy was going to be a carrot (orange cat with a green tail) but I bought non-toxic, pet-safe, hippy dippy hair GEL that washes out instead of real dye. It was not a good look.
Don’t worry about Willy – he was cool with it and, as promised, the green rinsed right out. My white bathroom mats did not emerge unscathed, however. Lesson learned. Don’t colour the cat.
Off now I must go to MTV for a shoot, and then I’ll be rolling along for some fun on Queen West. You’ll see
Love always…
Video of the day: She’s a hipster! (+ moving still sucks)
Oct 3rd
“I’m okay with Mainstream, get your vegan tempeh sandwich away from me!”
I’m really wishing I’d brought peanut butter and jelly to work right aboot nyoo. I swear to gahd I didn’t see that video until after I’d purchased lunch… which just so happened to be a tempeh wrap. Don’t hate.
The irony! The double irony. I only bought Tempeh to be ironic in the first place. Fermented soy stopped being cool the second my mom could bring it home from Zehrs (but refused to because I need to stop eating like a “freaky hippy” or something).
I’m onto Corn Smut and Mayim Bialik’s breast milk now.
Fungi is fun, guy! Blossom is fun too…
Moral of the blogpost = This video by i8athumbtack is hilar. Big ups to Alex Lewis, Aaron Joseph, Orion Abaca (The Tik Taks) and everybody else involved.
You guys are hot. Double hot because you’re funny and have the skills required to show this to the world.
It’s great to see that lonely island-style rap parody web video genre continue to thrive. Rumor has it one Torontonian blondebot you love to hate for speaking in third person sometimes is working on something similar with somebody very cool. But not today. Moving weekend has taken a toll on my brain – especially with Nuit Blanche thrown into the mix.
Hot damn was that one loooong Saturday. 6:00 am -> 6:00 am. My arms are jelly, my lids are heavy, and my new loft is only about 20% unpacked. “My new loft”… myaw. Look at my chandellieeeer.
And my pussycat…
And my heap of stuff stuff stuff STUPID STUFF….
.
You can also look at this roundup of what I wore during TIFF 2011, if you’re past that “sick to death of TIFF crap” phase by now:
C’est tout! Now, I gots to see an office about an organizing…
