Posts tagged life
Behold, the most-recently filmed-for-Youtube set of my bourgeoning local amateur standup comedy career!!!
Big ups to Saroox for filming that, and to all of the friends who’ve been coming out to see me joke. It’s the cats who make time to come out and support me who will get front row seats when I’m as famous as Louis C.K. hired to be Louis C.K.’s nanny for a few weeks and score some comps from my employer.
No but for real.
Sat, Aug 10: Crown & Tiger on College, 8:30 p.m.
Mon, Aug 11: Dawn Patrol, Comedy Bar
Tues, Aug 12: Toronto Comedy Brawl Quarter-Finals, Johnny Jackson’s in Toronto
More to come from VELD, The Bridle Bash, The Grove Festival and more… busy summer, sheeeeeiiit.
Hey hai happy humpday ladies and gentlekids! Now please, for the love of cripes, chill.
I did not delete my blog (okay, I did, but not on purpose or for very long) I am not lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did (see?) and like, thank you white knights for your “IS EVERYHING OKAY?!” messages but I do not need your *hugz* or “to talk?”
I’ve simply been busy… and perhaps a little bit too forthcoming with the emo-stagrams?
COME ON, IT’S ENDLESS WINTER! You’re depressed too.
In all seriousness though, I’m good.
Work is awesome awesome awesome, my comedy stuff is progressing nicely, and sheet, I’ll be darned if the exhaustion of Lau is not the evolution of Lauren as well.
In fact, I have some exciting (for me) news to share on that front…
UNF! Right? Such a sick video.
Also grand? This image I found on Reddit the other day called “1993″ vs “2003″ :
This white-nosed black squirrel I found in a bush on King St. yesterday (!!!) :
Annnnnd Anthony Jeselnik, Daniel Tosh (it’s Tuesday) and pretty much everything I Tumbled last night.
But I digress.
Here’s what’s up: just over one week ago today, I signed the lease on a brand new pad — My first real grownup apartment. No roomies, no parents, no boyfriend, just me. BOOYAH / Holy f–k.
As cool as that is, it’s scary too. I’m stressed out about moving my stuff again, kind of nervous about being responsible enough to manage my own householdish, and still very much dealing with the circumstances surrounding this move — but I’m also stoked as heck to be in a place where I can finally afford my own apartment in downtown Toronto.
I’d always kind of assumed that as a young journalist I’d have to sell at least 50 3D-printed kidneys on the black market BEFORE I could spend money on things like… lamps and tables for lamps to go on… so this is a big thing for me.
Leaving Liberty Village was a very conscious decision – one that was bittersweet.
I loved this neighbourhood when I first moved into it a few years ago, but the deluge of new condos has made it feel like even less a part of the city than it was before, which is shocking considering how closed off it already is. There’s so little culture here too that the vibe feels almost… suburban.
My building has become choked out by new condos around it, overcrowded with obnoxious yuppies and uh, bye bye awesome view.
Judge for yourself. The rest of Toronto did, and I’m not just being a hipster. Liberty Village has changed — and in this girl’s opinion, not for the better. I will miss my crystal castle, but I’m happy about where I’m headed too (also downtown west.)
You’ll see tons of “LOOK AT MY NEW LAMP” photos once I actually move in a few weeks, but for now I’d like to reflect upon the apartment hunting process itself — because if there’s anything more hilariously frustrating than trying to find a second dancing James Brown doll to lampify, it’s trying to find a nice yet affordable 1 bedroom place to rent in a cool neighbourhood in the heart of Canada’s largest city.
Spoiler alert: I worked really effing hard.
(To be continued…)
What up, frands?
Life is straight up crazy for me right now — so much change afoot. Good changes. Strange changes. Stressful changes. EXCITING changes!
I don’t even know where to begin with that stuff, so here’s this instead:
Dogs wearing pantyhose, or Gou Gou Chuan Siwa, is a thing right now on the Chinese Internet (which is the same Internet we’re on, only incomprehensible unless you speak Mandarin or Cantonese — in which case I’m sincerely jealous of you.) :
The photo fad is pretty self-explanatory at a tertiary glance: Dogs + Pantyhose = Dogs wearing pantyhose.
Instructions for participation: Put pantyhose on your dog. Maybe some heels, also. Take a picture. Upload it to Weibo. Laugh and laugh and laugh and wait for PETA to go HAM.
You can also try to put pantyhose on your cat, but I don’t recommend doing that. I’m down a nice pair of pantyhose and at least 3 drops of blood.
I do love a good Weibo meme — much more so than a lot of what I’m seeing on the North American viral web lately, which I’ve already betched about at length on here and on Twitter so I won’t go too deep into it.
To quote my own CBCNews piece on the lameness of a trend called “Vadering” that Mashable / Buzzfeed / All of those guys hailed as totally epic and awesome “It would appear as though some people are growing tired of these flash-in-a-pan memes…”
To quote Geekosystem’s Rollin Bishop, who doesn’t need to appear as unbiased as I do:
“At the risk of sounding like Old Man Internet telling all the new folks to get off his lawn, we all should really just agree that Vadering is not actually an Internet meme. At best it’s a sad attempt to seed the beginnings of one, and at worst it’s the scummiest kind of viral marketing. Either way, there’s definitely nothing good going on.”
Back to the wonders of Weibo, though.
Sina Weibo, as you may know, is a massively popular microblogging service often described as “Chinese Twitter” even though it’s more of a Twitter / Facebook hybrid according to people who can actually use it.
Like me, a lot Chinese internet memes are weird — at least to North Americans — which is probably why I like them. They’re fresh. Almost freshly weird the Japanese internet — like Japanese things in general. But that’s another book. Maybe I’ll write it from Osaka. A girl can dream… of STUFF LIKE THIS:
I’m not trying to say that a “dogs in pantyhose” photo meme is any more clever or cool than something like the Harlem Shake (which I openly revile, for so many reasons), but it’s definitely weirder. It’s funny, it’s odd, and it kind of makes people uncomfortable, which makes it edgy.
This is what life has come to. Hailing housepets in women’s lingerie as “edgy” on my blog. Be proud, mommy. Now, for the unfinished blog post I started last week whilst home for the rock opera holiday:
“Bonjeezy. I’m watching Jesus Christ Superstar with my parents right now because it’s Easter, and that’s what we do around these parts. That, and eat so much food it hurts.
Being that my mom and dad — who grew up in the 70′s when this film came out and still kind of believe in God stuff (mom, anyway) don’t appreciate my snarky running commentary, scream-sing-alonging and Simon-style zealot dancing, I’ve decided to share some my awesome thoughts with YOU because now even Twitter can’t even handle the amount of characters I’m about to throw down.
A little bit of background: I’ve seen this movie no less than 20 times and the broadway musical twice. I was actually pretty obsessed with in back in Grade 8 when my parents ordered the Soundtrack. I’d play it in my room and sing along while acting scenes out with my teddy bears, which tells you a lot about why I didn’t really fit in at school so well.
THOUGHTS ON JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR, 2013 VIEWING.
- Judas is such a hater – like, the biggest hater ever. What does he even do in this film aside from sit in the corner and scowl before scuttling over to bitch at Jesus?
“Ugh, Jesus, I can’t believe you’re hanging out with Mary Magdalene.”
“Wahhh, Jesus you’re letting way too many people into our crew.”
“Jeeeesus, that ointment is expensive. You’re flippant and careless with your money.”
Do you know what my lady mags call people like that, Jeez? TOXIC FRIENDS.
Judas can’t handle your success right now. He’s jealous — and I’ve got half a mind to think that if Mary Magdalene weren’t so gaga for you, he’d have tried to schtoop her for spite.
Instead, he ratted you out to a bunch of murderers.
If only Cosmo had existed in 0 A.D.
- Jesus is an emo kid. If Judas is Regina George, Jesus is Daria.
You know that awesome scene were Simon and all of his cool hippie friends dance for Jesus (in 110 degree heat, by the way — not comfortable) and instead of saying “Wow, thank you guys so much! You didn’t need to do this. Like, wow… seriously. Thanks.” he’s all “NONE OF YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT POWER OR GLORY IS.”
If I were Simon I’d have been like “I get it, you’re stressed, but I feel a little bit hurt right now. We choreographed this entire dance and danced REALLY REALLY hard for you just now and all you can do is call us uninformed? Fine, Jesus. Go save Africa then. I’m going home.”
That’s as far as I got in my critique before I got mad distracted by my (now complete!) apartment hunt again.
My Easter break was nice. Always good to get home to see the fams SEE INSTAGRAM FOR MORE PICS BECAUSE I AM LE TIRED AND DON’T FEEL LIKE UPLOADING THEM ALL.
In other news, it’s April Now, which means I’m up on the Movember calendar! Cool!
Also: Did you know that there’s a subreddit devoted to GIFs of chemical reactions?
I’m off to watch Season 3 Episode 2 of GoT. Now matter how many cool things happen in real life, this will always be the highlight of my week
Night night. More on the place sitch next time
No duckface, even. Times, as I said, they are a changing.