would you rock it

Toronto’s transit system in the style of Super Mario 3 and the kitty cat pocket shirts I totally freaking need

Eh yo, I’m eating one of these right now. Lil’ shrimp, you know it. You jelly? YOU JELLY?!?

Weemp Womp, that was an aggressive way to start a blog post.

Please, dear reader, ignore my Pingu sass and enjoy this map of the TTC rendered in the style of Super Mario Bros. 3 for SNES. It was created by Dave Delisle, who’s also gussied up Montreal, San Francisco and HOTlanta among other cities if you’re into that.

(click to embiggen)

When I stumbled upon that map today, it reminded me of another map I had intended to blog about a few months back. If you live in Toronto, you’re going to love it, and if you don’t… you probably won’t get it at all. No worries, Urbane has done plenty of cities (does Boston really have a neighbourhood filled with doctors?)

Behold, Toronto neighbourhoods by stereotype:

(click to embiggen)

My hood is labelled “hipster mecca.” *sigh* … Accurate.

What else am I feeling lately (aside from everything ever)… AH YES! THESE SICK EMBROIDERED CAT SHIRTS!

Japanese srtist Hiroko Kubota based every single one of these shirts on a cat photo her son found on the internet. If that’s not 2013 precious, I don’t know what is.

This maybe:

Hehe. The hilllls are aliiiiiive, with the sound of bitttchessss….

Okay, last but not least, I need to alert your attention to this concept model for a wearable personal space protector — the “Spike Away” vest. Singapore designer Siew Ming Cheng created this to put the smack down on people who stand to close to other people on public transit. YES!

“Trains are usually crowded during peak hours. Everybody will push each other to try and get onto the train. How can I protect my personal space? The idea was then conceived,” Cheng wrote on Behance.

This would be perfect for riding the King West street car or even just going into any public space where children run about and accidentally touch you sometimes *shudder*

Well done, Ms. Cheng!

That’s all for me, folks. Busy times. You know where to find me.

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PeePee Leggings and Brassaii on King West: Things that are gross

I’d like to start this post with a disclaimer: JK. I’m a blogger, not some fancy arthritis medication. I’m not going to disclaim anything. Who does that? Pfizer, that’s who.

Instead, I shall straight up TELL YOU that I’ve worn a lot of stupid stuff in my day. Wild things. Overpriced things. Straight up ratchet-looking things. Let’s just praise Jeebus that Instagram OOTDs weren’t a thing when I was in high school.

The hat I’m wearing in the image above? It’s not ratchet. It’s a freaking Brian Lichtenberg from Kitson, come on meow — is Cara Delevigne ratchet? Is Jourdan Dunn ratchet? Is Miley Cyrus… you know what — nevermind.

I got kicked out of Brassaii (some douchey club on King West) for wearing that beanie on Wednesday because “NO HATS ALLOWED” and also “GIRLS WHO REFUSE TO TAKE OFF THEIR TOQUES IN DA CLUB WHEN BOUNCERS YELL AT THEM GET KICKED OUT.”

I got kicked out. To be fair, I was lippy. To also be fair, they were decccccks about it.

Whatever, Brassaii. Your grabby bouncers are gross and King West is now even lamer for me than it has been for every Torontonian with a chill bone in their body all decade. You make me vomit! You are the scummmm between my toes! Love, Alf-alfa.

And speaking of gross, behold -> Pee Pee Leggings!

These “Neon Yellow Melting Tights” from URB Clothing actually exist and you can totally buy them if you want to walk around looking like you’re cartoon urinating all day long.

Hehe.

Hey, to each her own — I wore this last night:

Gosh darn am I ever cool.

Check out what I’m lusting over right meow in light of not being able to afford the Jeremy Scott Money Wings 2.0 or JS Wings 2.0 Pixels I actually freaking NEED:

Shwings! If ever they start shipping to Canada, I’m going to turn some of my Chucks into fly-shoes and satisfy my Icarus fetish once and for all.

C’est tout. Now, please gaze upon the aforementioned adidas x Jeremy Scott JS Wings 2.0 “Pixels” and have sweet, sweet dreams about yourself KICKING BRASSAII IN THE FACE WITH THEM as I’m about to.

I’d totally get kicked out for that, too.

Worth it.

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Modern Seinfeld, Classic Rap Memes and The Full Body Sweater

Hey, Hi, Happy Humpday!

Would you rock a full-body cable knit sweater like this guy for reasons other than to get yourself plastered all over the geekblogs?

I would not. Even just looking at that noise makes me itch all over like there are botflies under every inch of my skin, which I’m kind convinced of anyway after I saw that thing on the Discovery Channel about botflies 5 years ago. This sweater makes me feel like my botflies have botlfies. IT’S A DOUBLE BOTFLY SWEATER.

Actual serious warning though: Don’t Google “botfly.” For real. Don’t.

You just Googled it, didn’t you?

Anyhoo, this is what I wore today:

The leggings are liquid. The shoes are wedges. The vial necklace is by Wildfox — one of my favourite (if not the most ridiculously overpriced) Australian fashion brands ever. I bought it as a birthday present to myself :)

It reminds me of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s cross in cruel intentions, minus the drugs. I think I’m going to fill mine with perfume and pretend it’s loooove potion. What’s life without whimsy, eh?

GET IT?!? The Ice Cube Ice Cube button is one of my favourite old rap memes. Microsoft WORD is another, as well as all of the Wheelchair Drake and Joseph Ducreux archaic rap macros in existence pretty much.

I’ve had both of these kicking around in my “Images I like” folder on various laptops and hard drives for years along with hundreds of other timeless viral photos that seem to keep popping up on Tumblr and the like every now and again, which is why I was stoked to find this hilarious “Rap Memes” Facebook page that I followed for about a week. It disappeared before I could blog about it. Ain’t that the way? Google “rap memes” for some free-roaming lulz and remind me not to trust Facebook anymore.

Here’s something every bit as hilarious — if not more so — and a little bit more permanent than the Rap Meme Facebook page, I hope.

Follow Wednesday Modern Seinfeld. If you’re a hardcore fan of the show, you’ll appreciate these 140 character show pitches for a contemporary audience. It’s gold, Jerry, gold!

My gosh, just read the entire feed. I could go on for minutes and minutes — it’s one of the best uses of the medium I’ve seen in months. It’s the best, readers, THE BEST!

Last but not least, here’s Die Antwoord’s video for Fatty Boom Boom. It isn’t even close to new but it’s been in my backlog of things to blog about for months and I can’t stand not to post it any longer! So many drafts back there right now… you have no idea.

I’m really starting to miss the days when I could just blog about what I wanted to blog about every day. I should just put ads up and “monetize” the easy way already, eh?

I lied though. THIS is the last thing:

Hehe. Talk to you real soon, frands!

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