would you rock it
Hey, Hi, Happy Humpday!
Would you rock a full-body cable knit sweater like this guy for reasons other than to get yourself plastered all over the geekblogs?
I would not. Even just looking at that noise makes me itch all over like there are botflies under every inch of my skin, which I’m kind convinced of anyway after I saw that thing on the Discovery Channel about botflies 5 years ago. This sweater makes me feel like my botflies have botlfies. IT’S A DOUBLE BOTFLY SWEATER.
Actual serious warning though: Don’t Google “botfly.” For real. Don’t.
You just Googled it, didn’t you?
Anyhoo, this is what I wore today:
The leggings are liquid. The shoes are wedges. The vial necklace is by Wildfox — one of my favourite (if not the most ridiculously overpriced) Australian fashion brands ever. I bought it as a birthday present to myself
It reminds me of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s cross in cruel intentions, minus the drugs. I think I’m going to fill mine with perfume and pretend it’s loooove potion. What’s life without whimsy, eh?
GET IT?!? The Ice Cube Ice Cube button is one of my favourite old rap memes. Microsoft WORD is another, as well as all of the Wheelchair Drake and Joseph Ducreux archaic rap macros in existence pretty much.
I’ve had both of these kicking around in my “Images I like” folder on various laptops and hard drives for years along with hundreds of other timeless viral photos that seem to keep popping up on Tumblr and the like every now and again, which is why I was stoked to find this hilarious “Rap Memes” Facebook page that I followed for about a week. It disappeared before I could blog about it. Ain’t that the way? Google “rap memes” for some free-roaming lulz and remind me not to trust Facebook anymore.
Here’s something every bit as hilarious — if not more so — and a little bit more permanent than the Rap Meme Facebook page, I hope.
Follow Wednesday Modern Seinfeld. If you’re a hardcore fan of the show, you’ll appreciate these 140 character show pitches for a contemporary audience. It’s gold, Jerry, gold!
Elaine thinks an @nymag sex diary is about her. Jerry dumps his gf for being obsessed w/ Kate Middleton. Kramer spoils a TV show for George.
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 11, 2012
Jerry’s beautiful girlfriend (Kelly Macdonald) dumps him after Jerry, on George’s insistence, uses an emoticon in a text.
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 12, 2012
George “accidentally” sends a “reply all” e-mail in an attempt to get fired. He is promptly promoted for his gutsy attitude.
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 12, 2012
Jerry has to stop using Google because he is dating Lydia Mapquest, heiress to the Mapquest fortune. Elaine waits for a Starbucks bathroom.
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 12, 2012
Kramer gives Ted talk full of nonsense words, gets a standing ovation. George discovers that there’s a gay porn star named George Costanza.
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 11, 2012
Elaine yells at her co-workers for loving Pinterest. Kramer becomes an @uber driver. George opens actual jerk store on Etsy.
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 10, 2012
@seinfeldtoday Kramer gets into Weird Twitter. Jerry obsesses over his stand-up special’s AV Club grade. Elaine hates “Girls.”
— Brendan (@oneillb1) December 10, 2012
Kramer runs into Crazy Joe Davola, learns he’s not crazy just autistic and mis-medicated. “He’s on the spectrum! The spectrum, Jerry!”
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 11, 2012
My gosh, just read the entire feed. I could go on for minutes and minutes — it’s one of the best uses of the medium I’ve seen in months. It’s the best, readers, THE BEST!
Last but not least, here’s Die Antwoord’s video for Fatty Boom Boom. It isn’t even close to new but it’s been in my backlog of things to blog about for months and I can’t stand not to post it any longer! So many drafts back there right now… you have no idea.
I’m really starting to miss the days when I could just blog about what I wanted to blog about every day. I should just put ads up and “monetize” the easy way already, eh?
I lied though. THIS is the last thing:
Hehe. Talk to you real soon, frands!
Winter changes people, mangs.
They get pale. Sullen. Reclusive. COLD.
Some people gain weight in the wintertime. Me? I gain shoes. (And also soup stains on my white shirts because winter is a time of increased soup consumption and I’m really bad at eating.)
This is what happens:
Going for long walks around the West-downtown on the weekends is one of my favourite things in life to do.
I’ll go traipsing through Liberty Village and Queen West, West Queen West, Parkdale, over to Ossington, Dundas West, sometimes even Kensington Market and Little Italy. I don’t go looking for an adventure, but I often find one. At the very least, I see tons of great art and meet a few interesting people / animals.
Cold weather can’t stop my walking, but it does alter my path a little bit.
Instead of walking through alleys or parks, I walk alongside my favourite shops; the good boutiques along Queen West, from Bellwoods to Bathurst and Beyond.
I pop into one every couple of minutes to defrost and look at pretty things, but looking always leads to touching leads to holding leads to trying on and then I’m DONE. HOW ON EARTH DID I LIVE WITHOUT THIS DRESS THAT’S GOING TO SIT IN THE BACK OF MY CLOSET FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS UNTIL I WEAR IT ONE TIME AND THEN FORGET IT EXISTS?
I won’t forget that one though. You know why? Because I DIDN’T BUY IT.
It’s the ones that get away that haunt me the most. I might go back to Fitzroy on Saturday to pick it up for a holiday party if it’s still there. I tried on this dress by Bardot while I was there too, but I don’t need another LBD knowhatimsayin?
I was still thinking about how maybe I should have bought that dress when I walked into Jacflash. Perhaps that’s why I decided to buy my new Coltranes the second I set eyes on them (in the flesh.)
I’ve been seeing these sick Balenciaga knockoff cutout boots all over Tumblr and Instagram over the past year. I even looked into purchasing a pair one time, but alas, every major Jeffrey Campbell retailer online has bee sold the frick out for months.
ENTER JAC! Not only did she have a pair of metal cap-toed Litas ON SALE, but COLTRANES! In my size!
I didn’t even realize I was doing the NastyGal pose abover until just now. I spend too much time (browser) window shopping, maybe.
I was tempted to buy both of these Unif dresses too (CAUSE THEY LOOK SO FLOSSY WITH DEM COLTRANES) but I decided to hold off, as there are in fact bills to pay in life. Plus, I couldn’t shake the feeling that the top part of the first one looks like it was fashioned from something that puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
HAHAHA, NOPE. And more importantly, No.
No more frivolous purchases for me. I’m saving up for a trip to cat island, which is a place that exist. Cat island is a place that exists. In Japan. Cat Island is a place that exists in Japan… Heaven… Japan… Cat Island…
PS: This song.
I just got sucked into the internet zone for like, 147 minutes after Googling how to get a freaking stain out of my shirt. I should be cutting a video or writing something that I can get paid for or, at the very least, sleeping. But you know how that goes…
One minute I’m seeking out an essential life skill from mother Internet, the next I’m seeking out photos of Nicole Richie’s new line for Macy’s… then scoffing at all the hyperbolic butt-kissing over said (way cheap) line on Glamour… then drooling over a 88-page Gwen Stefani lookbook on The Cut… and then all of the sudden it’s 1:34 a.m. an I’m deep into the Spring / Summer 2013 Pre ready-to-wear collections (whatever the heck that means), bookmarking things I won’t be able to afford until they’re officially vintage and I’m buying them second-hand from some rich lady in Yorkville who can’t remove stains either because her maid always did that but Consuela died last month because we’re all really old.
I’m going to be straight up with you right now. Everything in Today’s Would You Rock It Wednesday post, from this point on is a joke — read: I’d only ever rock it for teh lulz. And that’s lulz, not LOLs.
In China, people wear “face-kinis” to keep their skin fair. Sunscreen is in short supply, I’m guessing?
At first I thought that these were aqua-friendly Pussy Riot supporters, but nej. Apparently, This is an actual thing.
This fire costume is also a thing that you can buy. FOR FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS.
H/T to Regretsy for that one. So (bad it’s) good.
YOU YOUR TOILET ROCK this Freddy Krueger Toilet Tank Cover?
A nightmare on ANY street, non? #WANT
Now please, watch this video for some intelligent LOLs:
And then mourn for the future of my country. Congratulations Nickelback Guy and Avril Lavigne (WTAF?!) or “Chavril” as you’ll come to be known. May you please invite Celine Dion to your wedding so that we can kill 3 birds with one stone when the government drops a force-field around the ceremony, LOCKING YOU AWAY FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD FOREVER!!!!
Remember the Simpsons movie? That’s what’s going to happen to you guys, pretty much. If you could invite Madonna, that would be cool too.
Behold, my new favourite thing ever: neko mimi hair (english translation: hair styled to look like cat-ears)
Like all good things in the history of the entire world ever, it’s Japanese in origin.
As Kotaku reported back in May, this trend stems from the Japanese “Catgirl” archetype.
Catgirls have been a thing for quite some time. I know this from all of the hentai manga I looked at in my late teens.
These women with cat-like features (usually ears and a tail, sometimes whiskers or more) are, as Kokaku puts it, “not some passing fancy or superficial trend. They have their roots in a long tradition of yokai or Japanese goblins, monsters, spirits, or specters. Catgirls are a modern, albeit geeky, take on both the supernatural and the oh-so cute.”
The hairstyle itself isn’t so much cat girl as it is Harajuku. A style statement – not psueduo-furryism.
It’s a little bit Otaku, a little bit Lolita and a whole lot of Kawaii. It’s probably more than that too, but I’ve effectively exhausted my entire Japanese vocabulary now so sorry.
I saw a beauty tutorial vlog for this style back in March when I did a story about Dakota Koti and the doll girls, but didn’t get a chance to bust it out until a few months ago when I attended what was supposed to be a future-themed party at the AGO.
I just found these pics yesterday, which reminded me that I wanted to write about cat-ear-hair at some point. Et voila:
I swear we weren’t being party brats — just imitating some of the gallery’s pictures. Okay, and being a little bit brattish too. You know how we do. When at an RPP, act like an RP… but funnier
I called it my Sailor Moon hair at the time. Who else hopes this catches in the west? Maybe you guys can help me start the trend. What do y’all think? LMK.
Sha sha sha sha sh-sh-SHA! Sha sha sha sha SHA SHA shaaaaa!!!! <- That’s theme music, if you can’t tell.
It’s WOULD YOU ROCK IT WEDNESDAY, homies! So riddle me this: Would you rock…
A skirt made entirely out of Barbie dolls? Hmmm?
Neither would I — unless it was for photographs. Incidentally, Marie Hochhaus is incredibly an talented photographer. I’d gladly pose for her in this puppy all day long, getting my photo snapped while I look all saucy in my breton shirt and top knot.
I don’t think the skirt would fare well outside of that enchanted garden with delicious trees, though. I live in Toronto. Between the overcrowded King West streetcar and the throngs of drunken sports fans on Front street, it would be destroyed before I even got to work.
C’est La Vie! I don’t think it’s for sale, anyway. You know what is though? THIS SUIT OF ARMOUR HOODIE:
… or at least it WAS, before every blogger and his mama Tweeted about it, sending enough traffic Chadwick Dillion’s way to crash the poor guy’s Etsy store. Oops!
I wouldn’t rock this sweater personally (too masculine, and not in a tomboy-chic way), but I certainly do love the concept — so much so that I wrote about it yesterday at work!
Finally, would you rock shoes with ice cream cones for heels?
Heck yeah, I would – but only a few times. I don’t need to be known as the girl with ice cream on her shoes. I’m already the girl who walks around with ketchup and mustard all over her clothes.
Mmmm, ketchup fountain I’m going to have one of those at my wedding some day, except instead of fries and hamburgers, there will be lightly steamed broccoli florets.
Oh, yeah, I’M the weird one. Do you know what’s in a hot dog? Hmm?
That’s right. Babies. Human babies.
Would you rock a GOLD TOOF necklace?
Yeah… yeah, I would. I’m a total sucker for the quirky ghetto-inspired chic. You know, the kind of stuff that mocks gangsta-culture while simultaneously pseudo-implying that you’re down with the hood like that?
It’s hip without being hard. Winking. Cute. Perfect for white girls who lack a sense of identity. This is why Urban Outfitters makes soooo muccccchh monnnayyyyy.
Ironically, this piece comes from Etsy – the very place that UO
steals sources their design inspiration from!
I like that sweater, too. And the finger tattoo. And the RING. WHAT THAT IS? WHERE I CAN GIT THAT???
Another Etsy gem that’s already been sold:
Always a finder, never a buyer *sigh*
HERE though, is a little French coat I’ve been wearing lately. I got it last year in a tiny vintage basement shop but wasn’t able to bust it out much before the weather stopped being iciclicious.
Minty phresh. So sleepy, I was. I look. I’m not Yoda. Why talking like this I am?
I… I don’t know. That’s a picture I ripped from an old post.
Just a few more tidbits before I flee for the night, kay?
This is a photograph that Casie snapped outside of the Drake last night:
I got my nails done there (minty phresh, again!) but that didn’t last long…
DON’T ASK ME TO SIT STILL FOR FIVE MINUTES, GAH! Are you kidding me? That’s not going to happen!
I shouldn’t even post that picture eh? My cuticles are toe’up. Judge on, pretty handed women, judge on! *cries*
I bounced over to the Thompson Hotel for some rooftop action post-Drake. It’s just so dang nice up there. Schwanky. A little too schwanky for my tastes at night, but whatever.
It’s fun to pretend I’m a rich person — even if I stick out like a sore, spaz dancing, actually smiling sometimes thumb among the cool kids.
We went to Bloke & 4th for Taylor’s birthday after that, but my phone died and I didn’t really feel like taking photos anyway. Sometimes, a girl just wants to dance, ya know?
I kid you not, I actually Charlestonned last night to some house music at the Thompson. Sean was mortified. I was laughing my head off.
I’M BRINGING WOULD YOU ROCK IT WEDNESDAY BACK (even though it’s technically Thursday right now. Shhhh. Pretend with me).
First up, because I simply can’t wait more than 10 seconds longer to post this one, the kitty cat v-neck tops of Montreal’s own Supayana:
Does that not just scream Etsy? When I saw that the designer is Canadian I yeeped with pride. So cute. So creative.
I’d rock one of these shirts, but only for pictures ya know? While lovely, they’re not really my steez aside from the cat part. Cats are totally my style.
Next up are the “Gangster CD Stereo Sneakers” I’ve seen circulating around the web this week.
I’m not sure if this a prototype or a product that’s already on the (Japanese) market, but I couldn’t imagine they work very well. Have you ever ridden your bike down a bumpy road with a discman in your backpack? MAD SKIPPAGE!
Functional or not, I’d rock these in a heartbeat because they’re effing badass. I could wear them at the same time as my FiHi Stereo bag and pump Tupac from one speaker, Biggie from the other. But only if the shoes function well. Otherwise, I’d look ridiculous.
Last but not least, these spine-heeled shoes by Dsquared are super old (like, 2010 or something) but I just stumbled upon them last weekend and they’re 10000% blogworthy now and always.
I’d rock them for sure if they weren’t almost 1500 bones (get it?). I may not be able to have them, but I can certainly respect them. J’adore les squelettes.
I think I’m at home here, folks…
Or maybe not.
Fab or freaky (both are fine), I’m stoked to be in Austin right now after a 26 hour drive plus about 12 hours lost to border issues and one doozy of a chest cold that left me incapacitated for pretty much all of our first day here.
Getting to Austin was a battle, but a blast at times too.
Tons of friendly truck stop workers, learning experiences (Kentucky‘s got MAD CAVES — who knew?), bonding moments and mini-adventures along the way:
Dec 31, 1969 | Source: Keek.com
Thank god for Kate‘s amazing playlist to keep Casie and I alert / entertained / impressed while driving. And by “God”, of course, I mean anything other than what those creepy billboards all over the side of highways down here advertising. *shudder*
Keep your eyes peeled for a mashup of all the video footage I took along the way soon… as soon as I can find the time to stop spazzing out over shiny things and compute.
Now that I’ve (sort of) recovered from the plague, it’s go-go-gadget DO.
OH! Before I forget to blog about it, I found a baby owl during our stopover in Windsor the other night. He was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.
The owl was just sitting in the middle of a sidewalk on Ouellette when I walked up. The path was otherwise deserted and we were completely alone for a while, just staring at each other. It was really moving.
My random owl encounter was so rare that I had to Google it… am I going to die soon? bit.ly/9qT1US
— Lauren O’Nizzle (@laurenonizzle) March 8, 2012
Yours in weirdness,
Happy humpday, Hottie biscotti!
1. This vintage BART SIMPSON SWEATER:
I don’t know who that girl is, but she’s cool as heck for wearing that sweater to Simpsons trivia last night – and also for letting me geek out over it so hard.
For all she knew, that hyper blonde chick snapping her image was a SERIAL RAPIST who takes photos of random girls to sick GARGOYLES on.
I would obviously rock that sweater if I could find one. The closest thing I’ve seen is this. Still sick.
2. WOULD YOU ROCK These Dayglo Wedges?:
I get a lot of people sending me links to things on the Internet. Links on my Facebook wall, links through Twitter, links via email, links shouted to my FACE on the SIDEWALK by STRANGERS in CAPES…
“Hey Lauren – Have you seen this?”
“Hey Lauren – check out this funny video that you posted on your blog two weeks ago!”
“Hey Lauren – my crappy band is playing in a crappy city 3 hours away on Saturday night. You should totally blog about it! Love, this guy you haven’t talked to since 2005…”
Thus, when somebody sends me something a) that I haven’t seen before b) that they don’t expect me to Tweet out on their behalf c) that’s genuinely awesome, I truly appreciate it.
Bang on, girlfriend. They are perfection – as are so-ho-hoooo many of the wedges on Modcloth right now:
Nothing I love more than a chunky wedge… and If I don’t shut my laptop soon, I’m going to end up living in one.
I would rock those shoes twice. Maybe thrice. And it would be equally amazing each time.
3. WOULD YOU ROCK… the Moustache Pipe?:
Okay so you can’t really WEAR this, but carrying one around will most certainly add the aesthetic of any outfit.
I’d rock it in a heartbeat to impress all of my hipster friends. I wouldn’t even have anything to smoke with it – I’d just carry it around and say “myawwww” a lot, because I think it will make more sense when I do that to have a pipe in my hand.
I should probably just paint a moustache on my face one time. For the lulz, ya know? Would you rock a moustache, ladies?
Time for to laugh.
98-year-old woman reaches Judo’s highest rank
London looters + Photoshop = Hilarious
Baubo, the Vulva Clown
The Woo Girls
Mayor in Lithuania uses tank to crush car in bike lane
One minute and 7 seconds of a cat eating pancakes.
Corporate BBQ (Purrrfect)
Facebook, my favourite song…
A Walmart Wedding
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a very hot date with the famz right now…
Hi Starly M’larly! Who’s a little Starly? Who is?
Uh… not you, human. Nice try though.
Limiting myself to only three discuss-worthy “Would You Rock It?” pieces was hard today. Really, really hard in light of Black Milk Clothing (they of the Artoo suit we all went nuts over) storming the viral web in full force this week avec one perfect Steve Buscemi Dress and a Jaws vs. Ariel swimsuit.
WHO ARE YOU GUYS and WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? Also, can we be bosom friends?
I could wear nothing but Black Milk for the next year and be happy, I think. The perfect uniform for a cheeky ‘doe like me. I could wear my special Buscemi Eyes with the Buscemi dress.
In other Jaws-inspired-fashion news (?), Duna Duna is Threadless concept that hasn’t quite achieved T-shirt status yet but probably will eventually, based on the flood of positive response they’ve been receiveing:
Bowser would never kill Peach because he’s in love with her – but you get the idea. Cyoooote! I would definitely rock this, and hope that I get a chance to (COME ON THREADLESS! MAKE THE TEE!).
Last but pretty much the opposite of least (read: greatest) = The “Conical Asian hat” I bought for 3$ on Spadina during lunch the other day.
I was pretty stoked on this hat for about 8 hours straight, not gunna lie. For a split second, I worried that this look on me might seem racist or tacky… but then I caught my reflection in a window and the only thing I could see was Raiden (minus the volts).
Hahaha, so much hate. I caught a lot of snarky photobombs. Narcissism is srs Business@
I wore the hat at my desk for a little while when I got back to the office, just for kicks. Some of my coworkers dug it maybe.
I should go to bed now.
If only it were that easy…