HAPPY SPRING FROM THE GARDEN ON MY LEGS, BITCHES!
Bwahahaha. I don’t normally use such strong language on my blog, but that made me laugh out loud so imma keep it, The B-word is kind of neutral these days anyway, isn’t it? Flowers are not neutral (NOR IS LEOPARD PRINT AND IT NEVER WILL BE MOM.)
But Fiverr, guys. Oh my god, Fiverr.
For all of the years I’ve been using that website to pull really weird $5 pranks on my loved ones (for the price of a latte, it’s SO worth it) HOW HAVE I NEVER DISCOVERED THE RANDOM BUTTON?
Happy mother’s day?
All this time I’ve been creeping Fiverr categories like “extremely bizarre” and “puppets” when I could have been clicking “surprise me!” and finding things like Rasta Soap, foot fetish people stringy things, pudding videos and this dog who will give me freaking a tour of Ho Chi Minh city!
If you couldn’t tell, I said that in a really bad Jamaican accent. But of course you could.
Now, onto the very reason for this post: an illustration of Sansa Stark from the Game of Thrones that you can download a JPEG of for right now for only fiiiiive dollars (hollah!)
When the suprise button brought that up for me, I laughed at the randomness of Sansa as a character choice.
If someone were to select any character from the greatest series in the history of television (right now), why would it be SANSA? Crybaby Sansa doesn’t even have a dragon or a direwolf (anymore) or is Margaery!
And then I saw the related gigs.
Oh yes, there are more, and they’re just… delightful Truly. I was squealing with delight when I saw them.
Presented without comment (though I reckon you can surmise what I think of these drawings by the title of this post) Drafty Bob’s Game of Thrones fan art!
3. Tyrion Lannister:
A ladymonkey Khaleesi / Danaerys Targaryen:
5. Khal Drogo (RIP):
6. Robb Stark:
7. Cersei Lannister (betch):
8. Lord Littlefinger (jerk):
9. Jaime Lannister, King Slayer (2/10, would not bang.):
10. Derpya Stark:
11. Jorah Mormont
12. Jon Snow:
I left Jon Snow for last because a) It’s just… so good… and b) I have a Jon Snow-related story.
I SAW JON SNOW ON KING ST. THE OTHER NIGHT.
That’s pretty much the entire story, save for how I stopped in the middle of an intersection because I couldn’t believe it and then asked everybody at the streetcar stop if it was actually him.
Nobody knew what I was talking about.
“DON’T YOU WATCH GAME OF THRONES?” I shouted, before promptly Tweeting out “Is Kit Harrington in Toronto right now?”
Turns out, he very much is.
You know nothing, Jon Snow.
I’d be remiss not to mention that he bent down to give money to a homeless lady outside of the Tim Horton’s right after we passed, like a true Lord. A Stark/Targaryen Lord, perhaps? JUST SAYING.
I’ll leave you with this, ACTUAL video I made for mother’s day, because it’s cute. I also sent flowers to her because my mom rules and has been so very patient and helpful throughout the course of this move — as in she pretty much organized my entire place for me. It looks awesome.
Happy Valentimes day, homies!
First things first — a little something from me to you:
Hehehe, ehhh? How about these ones:
BWAHAHAHA, One more.
Hoo HOOOO, we gettin’ steamy up in HERE! Praise be to Tumblr.
I take it that if Google brought you here this morning, you’re looking for a last-minute something special to celebrate Valentine’s day with.
Otherwise, you’re just one of my regular blog readers… in which case, Mommy, please stop reading this post. I’m talking about things I don’t want you to read today. Sexy, romantic things like Joe Biden and a bra made out of cookies.
Yeah, that’s right, a cookie bra. There’s your DIY lingerie, courtesy of Instructables user Mimikry.
If you’re a woman, you can make one of these to give away (or perform a weird, crumbly strip tease in?) and if you happen to be a woman’s valentine, you can make one of these with her and then like… let her eat it or something.
“Happy Valentine’s day, sweetie! I bought some stuff to make a mould of your chest that we can turn into a COOKIE BRA, cool right? Can I borrow your boobs now? You can totally eat the cookie later…”
A bra made out of cookies moulded to your own chest is a cool concept either way though. I can’t say the same for these “brief jerky” undies, but here are the DIY instructions if you want to get all Costanza with your bad self.
For those of you who care not for kitchen things but do care for chest things, check out these Grumpy Cat nipple tassles!
They’re every bit as weird and cute as the cookie bra, with none of that messy plaster casting business – and while they’re not technically DIY, you can buy them from Etsy which is pretty dang close… it’s just somebody else’s DIY. SDIFM! (Somebody did it for me?)
If the pasties are little too revealing for you, Sister Mary Prudence, may I suggest a Poke-Bra?
Some rave-tastic Etsy shop called Neon Wonderland custom-crafts these stunners in any size with any padding level to get everybody on your block screaming “Gotta catch’em both!”
Don’t be suprised if you get a Valentine like this.
Personally, I won’t be wearing any of the above today.
My Vee-day outfit was locked down MINUTES ago! I’ll be wearing something pink and white and red and workplace appropriate because I work in a workplace and like, really, I wouldn’t even wear a cookie bra to the beach (SEAGULLS, MANG!)
Speaking of work, if you don’t have a hot date yet at 7 p.m. tonight, join us for a special online dating debate episode of CBC Live Online! It should be a fun one.
Lastly, this video should put you in the mood for Valentine’s day fun. It makes me feel optimistic about love, dance and parkour every time I watch it. Has for years.
So does my valentine though. VDAY NUMBER 7. Can you beleedat?