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Game of Derps, Jon Snowronto, Rasta Soap and Fiverr

FLOWERPOWER (pants by TopShop)

HAPPY SPRING FROM THE GARDEN ON MY LEGS, BITCHES!

Bwahahaha. I don’t normally use such strong language on my blog, but that made me laugh out loud so imma keep it, The B-word is kind of neutral these days anyway, isn’t it? Flowers are not neutral (NOR IS LEOPARD PRINT AND IT NEVER WILL BE MOM.)

But Fiverr, guys. Oh my god, Fiverr.

For all of the years I’ve been using that website to pull really weird $5 pranks on my loved ones (for the price of a latte, it’s SO worth it) HOW HAVE I NEVER DISCOVERED THE RANDOM BUTTON?

Happy mother’s day?

All this time I’ve been creeping Fiverr categories like “extremely bizarre” and “puppets” when I could have been clicking “surprise me!” and finding things like Rasta Soap, foot fetish people stringy thingspudding videos and this dog who will give me freaking a tour of Ho Chi Minh city!

RAH-STA SOOOPE.

If you couldn’t tell, I said that in a really bad Jamaican accent. But of course you could.

Now, onto the very reason for this post: an illustration of Sansa Stark from the Game of Thrones that you can download a JPEG of for right now for only fiiiiive dollars (hollah!)

When the suprise button brought that up for me, I laughed at the randomness of Sansa as a character choice.

If someone were to select any character from the greatest series in the history of television (right now), why would it be SANSA? Crybaby Sansa doesn’t even have a dragon or a direwolf (anymore) or is Margaery!

And then I saw the related gigs.

Oh yes, there are more, and they’re just… delightful :) Truly. I was squealing with delight when I saw them.

Presented without comment (though I reckon you can surmise what I think of these drawings by the title of this post) Drafty Bob’s Game of Thrones fan art!

1. King Joffrey Baratheon (*cough* Lannister)
2. Brienne of Tarth:

3. Tyrion Lannister:

4. A ladymonkey Khaleesi / Danaerys Targaryen:

5. Khal Drogo (RIP):

6. Robb Stark:

7. Cersei Lannister (betch):

8. Lord Littlefinger (jerk):

9. Jaime Lannister, King Slayer (2/10, would not bang.):

10. Derpya Stark:

 

11. Jorah Mormont

12. Jon Snow:

I left Jon Snow for last because a) It’s just… so good… and b) I have a Jon Snow-related story.

I SAW JON SNOW ON KING ST. THE OTHER NIGHT.

That’s pretty much the entire story, save for how I stopped in the middle of an intersection because I couldn’t believe it and then asked everybody at the streetcar stop if it was actually him.

Nobody knew what I was talking about.

“DON’T YOU WATCH GAME OF THRONES?” I shouted, before promptly Tweeting out “Is Kit Harrington in Toronto right now?”

Turns out, he very much is.

You know nothing, Jon Snow.

I’d be remiss not to mention that he bent down to give money to a homeless lady outside of the Tim Horton’s right after we passed, like a true Lord. A Stark/Targaryen Lord, perhaps? :) JUST SAYING.

Bed time for this kitty — tomorrow I’m hitting the MESH conference thanks to my homies at NextMontreal and I could probably stand a few hours of sleep.

I’ll leave you with this, ACTUAL video I made for mother’s day, because it’s cute. I also sent flowers to her because my mom rules and has been so very patient and helpful throughout the course of this move — as in she pretty much organized my entire place for me. It looks awesome.

Poor Yeezy.

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DIY Valentine’s Day Lingerie: Cookie Bra, Grumpy Cat Tassels, PokeChest

Happy Valentimes day, homies!

First things first — a little something from me to you:

Hehehe, ehhh? How about these ones:

BWAHAHAHA, One more.

Hoo HOOOO, we gettin’ steamy up in HERE! Praise be to Tumblr.

I take it that if Google brought you here this morning, you’re looking for a last-minute something special to celebrate Valentine’s day with.

Otherwise, you’re just one of my regular blog readers… in which case, Mommy, please stop reading this post. I’m talking about things I don’t want you to read today. Sexy, romantic things like Joe Biden and a bra made out of cookies.

Yeah, that’s right, a cookie bra. There’s your DIY lingerie, courtesy of Instructables user Mimikry.

If you’re a woman, you can make one of these to give away (or perform a weird, crumbly strip tease in?) and if you happen to be a woman’s valentine, you can make one of these with her and then like… let her eat it or something.

Happy Valentine’s day, sweetie! I bought some stuff to make a mould of your chest that we can turn into a COOKIE BRA, cool right? Can I borrow your boobs now? You can totally eat the cookie later…

Maybe not.

A bra made out of cookies moulded to your own chest is a cool concept either way though. I can’t say the same for these “brief jerky” undies, but here are the DIY instructions if you want to get all Costanza with your bad self.

For those of you who care not for kitchen things but do care for chest things, check out these Grumpy Cat nipple tassles!

They’re every bit as weird and cute as the cookie bra, with none of that messy plaster casting business – and while they’re not technically DIY, you can buy them from Etsy which is pretty dang close… it’s just somebody else’s DIY. SDIFM! (Somebody did it for me?)

If the pasties are little too revealing for you, Sister Mary Prudence, may I suggest a Poke-Bra?

Some rave-tastic Etsy shop called Neon Wonderland custom-crafts these stunners in any size with any padding level to get everybody on your block screaming “Gotta catch’em both!”

Don’t be suprised if you get a Valentine like this.

Personally, I won’t be wearing any of the above today.

My Vee-day outfit was locked down MINUTES ago! I’ll be wearing something pink and white and red and workplace appropriate because I work in a workplace and like, really, I wouldn’t even wear a cookie bra to the beach (SEAGULLS, MANG!)

Speaking of work, if you don’t have a hot date yet at 7 p.m. tonight, join us for a special online dating debate episode of CBC Live Online! It should be a fun one.

Lastly, this video should put you in the mood for Valentine’s day fun. It makes me feel optimistic about love, dance and parkour every time I watch it. Has for years.

So does my valentine though. VDAY NUMBER 7. Can you beleedat?

Love always,

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Introducing TRILLBERT (+A Tuesday night linksplosion)

Ayo, I have a new friend for you guys to meet; His name is AJ Colores, but he goes by TRILLBERT. Alors:

I didn’t use the word “alors” properly at all just there, but sick gif eh? That’s on his Trillbert website, which is also blogworthy (hence the blogging-it-ness.)

Watch this music video for “Chicken Head.” You’ll get what I mean.

That genre of music is called Trillstep, which I assumed was the same things as trap until I Googled it and saw that it is something (slightly) different.

Urban Dictionary defines Trillstep as “A new genre of music coming out of Houston, Texas. Consisting of dirty south raps with hard dance floor dubstep. Badbwoy BMc was the first to coin “trillstep” on his mix cd for Swisha House entitled “Welcome 2 Trillstep”.

Wait… ISN’T that trapcore? ISN’T YOU TRVPPING ON TUMBLR?!

Somebody explain it to me in the comments if you know or care. TRILLBERT gives good gif, and that’s really the most important thing to me. I don’t know who made this gif but I kind of need to work it in somewhere”

At the risk of sounding creepy, here are a few more things I like about Trillbert / AJ Colores (I’m too new to distinguish where one ends and the other begins. Heck, I can’t even figure out O’Neil and O’Nizzle yet.)

  • His Instagram bio says “I enjoy long walks on the Internet”
  • The mad ToeJam and Earl references within that Chicken Head video
  • The URL on his Trillbert website that contains the string “?_escaped_fragment_=went-to-photoshop-and-told-em-makle-me-a-grill”
  • He is a legit OG Internet kid, like me.
  • His taste in Tumbles — look at what I just found:

DOOBLEH META BAUCE.

Now for that Linksplosion…


This is a spider who sounds like a motorcycle
.

One time, Creed performed a show so bad that an entire audience launched a class-action suit against them — which should not shock you at all, really, because they’re Creed.

The web is NOT THE INTERNET (Thank you, Motherboard)

Grade 2 students learn grammar and spelling by correcting NFL player tweets, and it is good

Chop Chop, Karlie Kloss gets a cute new haircut that I think I’m going to copy.

Remember that Applebee’s server who posted a picture of the receipt with some snarky note from a pastor about not tipping because of God and stuff? Yeah, Applebee’s fired her, and the Internet is mad

Bang With _____: Why the DTF app genre’s got potential

I just found out about the B?s?zoku Japanese youth subculture. Pretty cool Wikipedia entry if you’re into that.

Clever website of the week: Things you can bake with a Penis cake pan that aren’t penis cakes.

These deer antler bicycle handlebar concepts are awesome. So dangerous. So awesome.

THIS COVERLETTER (I’d hire him.):

PORN STAR IN SPACE, PORN STAR IN SPACE

Beyonce does an impression of Sweet Brown.

Ironic Sans Quiz: Can YOU tell the difference between Arial and Helvetica?

13-year-old girl sends Hello Kitty to the edge of space

Jezebel hates that atrocious ‘Guyet’ beer campaign too! HA!

Seriously, f*ck this sh*t.

Disabled goldfish gets underwater ‘wheelchair’ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Overkill, Thy name is this tiny, tablet-cleaning, Roomba-like robot

Bro 2.0.

The Last Supper, as Told Through Instagram

DeGene-saur-es Rex.

Nice one, Hanksy.

That’s all for now…  I know it’s already Tuesday, but I do have a weekend wrap on the way.  It was a big one. HANGTIGHT PR FOLK I LOVE YOU I’M JUST BUSSYYYYYYY WITH MY JOBBBBBBBB!

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