teh interwebz
Game of Derps, Jon Snowronto, Rasta Soap and Fiverr
May 15th
FLOWERPOWER (pants by TopShop)
HAPPY SPRING FROM THE GARDEN ON MY LEGS, BITCHES!
Bwahahaha. I don’t normally use such strong language on my blog, but that made me laugh out loud so imma keep it, The B-word is kind of neutral these days anyway, isn’t it? Flowers are not neutral (NOR IS LEOPARD PRINT AND IT NEVER WILL BE MOM.)
But Fiverr, guys. Oh my god, Fiverr.
For all of the years I’ve been using that website to pull really weird $5 pranks on my loved ones (for the price of a latte, it’s SO worth it) HOW HAVE I NEVER DISCOVERED THE RANDOM BUTTON?
Happy mother’s day?
All this time I’ve been creeping Fiverr categories like “extremely bizarre” and “puppets” when I could have been clicking “surprise me!” and finding things like Rasta Soap, foot fetish people stringy things, pudding videos and this dog who will give me freaking a tour of Ho Chi Minh city!
RAH-STA SOOOPE.
If you couldn’t tell, I said that in a really bad Jamaican accent. But of course you could.
Now, onto the very reason for this post: an illustration of Sansa Stark from the Game of Thrones that you can download a JPEG of for right now for only fiiiiive dollars (hollah!)
When the suprise button brought that up for me, I laughed at the randomness of Sansa as a character choice.
If someone were to select any character from the greatest series in the history of television (right now), why would it be SANSA? Crybaby Sansa doesn’t even have a dragon or a direwolf (anymore) or is Margaery!
And then I saw the related gigs.
Oh yes, there are more, and they’re just… delightful 
Truly. I was squealing with delight when I saw them.
Presented without comment (though I reckon you can surmise what I think of these drawings by the title of this post) Drafty Bob’s Game of Thrones fan art!
1. King Joffrey Baratheon (*cough* Lannister)
2. Brienne of Tarth:
3. Tyrion Lannister:
4. A ladymonkey Khaleesi / Danaerys Targaryen:
5. Khal Drogo (RIP):
6. Robb Stark:
7. Cersei Lannister (betch):
8. Lord Littlefinger (jerk):
9. Jaime Lannister, King Slayer (2/10, would not bang.):
10. Derpya Stark:
11. Jorah Mormont
12. Jon Snow:
I left Jon Snow for last because a) It’s just… so good… and b) I have a Jon Snow-related story.
I SAW JON SNOW ON KING ST. THE OTHER NIGHT.
That’s pretty much the entire story, save for how I stopped in the middle of an intersection because I couldn’t believe it and then asked everybody at the streetcar stop if it was actually him.
Nobody knew what I was talking about.
“DON’T YOU WATCH GAME OF THRONES?” I shouted, before promptly Tweeting out “Is Kit Harrington in Toronto right now?”
Turns out, he very much is.
You know nothing, Jon Snow.
I’d be remiss not to mention that he bent down to give money to a homeless lady outside of the Tim Horton’s right after we passed, like a true Lord. A Stark/Targaryen Lord, perhaps? JUST SAYING.
Bed time for this kitty — tomorrow I’m hitting the MESH conference thanks to my homies at NextMontreal and I could probably stand a few hours of sleep.
I’ll leave you with this, ACTUAL video I made for mother’s day, because it’s cute. I also sent flowers to her because my mom rules and has been so very patient and helpful throughout the course of this move — as in she pretty much organized my entire place for me. It looks awesome.
Poor Yeezy.
DIY Valentine’s Day Lingerie: Cookie Bra, Grumpy Cat Tassels, PokeChest
Feb 14th
Happy Valentimes day, homies!
First things first — a little something from me to you:
Hehehe, ehhh? How about these ones:
BWAHAHAHA, One more.
Hoo HOOOO, we gettin’ steamy up in HERE! Praise be to Tumblr.
I take it that if Google brought you here this morning, you’re looking for a last-minute something special to celebrate Valentine’s day with.
Otherwise, you’re just one of my regular blog readers… in which case, Mommy, please stop reading this post. I’m talking about things I don’t want you to read today. Sexy, romantic things like Joe Biden and a bra made out of cookies.
Yeah, that’s right, a cookie bra. There’s your DIY lingerie, courtesy of Instructables user Mimikry.
If you’re a woman, you can make one of these to give away (or perform a weird, crumbly strip tease in?) and if you happen to be a woman’s valentine, you can make one of these with her and then like… let her eat it or something.
“Happy Valentine’s day, sweetie! I bought some stuff to make a mould of your chest that we can turn into a COOKIE BRA, cool right? Can I borrow your boobs now? You can totally eat the cookie later…”
Maybe not.
A bra made out of cookies moulded to your own chest is a cool concept either way though. I can’t say the same for these “brief jerky” undies, but here are the DIY instructions if you want to get all Costanza with your bad self.
For those of you who care not for kitchen things but do care for chest things, check out these Grumpy Cat nipple tassles!
They’re every bit as weird and cute as the cookie bra, with none of that messy plaster casting business – and while they’re not technically DIY, you can buy them from Etsy which is pretty dang close… it’s just somebody else’s DIY. SDIFM! (Somebody did it for me?)
If the pasties are little too revealing for you, Sister Mary Prudence, may I suggest a Poke-Bra?
Some rave-tastic Etsy shop called Neon Wonderland custom-crafts these stunners in any size with any padding level to get everybody on your block screaming “Gotta catch’em both!”
Don’t be suprised if you get a Valentine like this.
Personally, I won’t be wearing any of the above today.
My Vee-day outfit was locked down MINUTES ago! I’ll be wearing something pink and white and red and workplace appropriate because I work in a workplace and like, really, I wouldn’t even wear a cookie bra to the beach (SEAGULLS, MANG!)
Speaking of work, if you don’t have a hot date yet at 7 p.m. tonight, join us for a special online dating debate episode of CBC Live Online! It should be a fun one.
Lastly, this video should put you in the mood for Valentine’s day fun. It makes me feel optimistic about love, dance and parkour every time I watch it. Has for years.
So does my valentine though. VDAY NUMBER 7. Can you beleedat?
Love always,
![]("http://www.laurenoutloud.com/siggy.jpg”)
Introducing TRILLBERT (+A Tuesday night linksplosion)
Feb 5th
Ayo, I have a new friend for you guys to meet; His name is AJ Colores, but he goes by TRILLBERT. Alors:
I didn’t use the word “alors” properly at all just there, but sick gif eh? That’s on his Trillbert website, which is also blogworthy (hence the blogging-it-ness.)
Watch this music video for “Chicken Head.” You’ll get what I mean.
That genre of music is called Trillstep, which I assumed was the same things as trap until I Googled it and saw that it is something (slightly) different.
Urban Dictionary defines Trillstep as “A new genre of music coming out of Houston, Texas. Consisting of dirty south raps with hard dance floor dubstep. Badbwoy BMc was the first to coin “trillstep” on his mix cd for Swisha House entitled “Welcome 2 Trillstep”.
Wait… ISN’T that trapcore? ISN’T YOU TRVPPING ON TUMBLR?!
Somebody explain it to me in the comments if you know or care. TRILLBERT gives good gif, and that’s really the most important thing to me. I don’t know who made this gif but I kind of need to work it in somewhere”
At the risk of sounding creepy, here are a few more things I like about Trillbert / AJ Colores (I’m too new to distinguish where one ends and the other begins. Heck, I can’t even figure out O’Neil and O’Nizzle yet.)
- His Instagram bio says “I enjoy long walks on the Internet”
- The mad ToeJam and Earl references within that Chicken Head video
- The URL on his Trillbert website that contains the string “?_escaped_fragment_=went-to-photoshop-and-told-em-makle-me-a-grill”
- He is a legit OG Internet kid, like me.
- His taste in Tumbles — look at what I just found:
DOOBLEH META BAUCE.
Now for that Linksplosion…
This is a spider who sounds like a motorcycle.
One time, Creed performed a show so bad that an entire audience launched a class-action suit against them — which should not shock you at all, really, because they’re Creed.
The web is NOT THE INTERNET (Thank you, Motherboard)
Grade 2 students learn grammar and spelling by correcting NFL player tweets, and it is good
Chop Chop, Karlie Kloss gets a cute new haircut that I think I’m going to copy.
Remember that Applebee’s server who posted a picture of the receipt with some snarky note from a pastor about not tipping because of God and stuff? Yeah, Applebee’s fired her, and the Internet is mad
Bang With _____: Why the DTF app genre’s got potential
I just found out about the B?s?zoku Japanese youth subculture. Pretty cool Wikipedia entry if you’re into that.
Clever website of the week: Things you can bake with a Penis cake pan that aren’t penis cakes.
These deer antler bicycle handlebar concepts are awesome. So dangerous. So awesome.
THIS COVERLETTER (I’d hire him.):
PORN STAR IN SPACE, PORN STAR IN SPACE
Beyonce does an impression of Sweet Brown.
Ironic Sans Quiz: Can YOU tell the difference between Arial and Helvetica?
13-year-old girl sends Hello Kitty to the edge of space
Jezebel hates that atrocious ‘Guyet’ beer campaign too! HA!
Seriously, f*ck this sh*t.
Disabled goldfish gets underwater ‘wheelchair’ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Overkill, Thy name is this tiny, tablet-cleaning, Roomba-like robot
The Last Supper, as Told Through Instagram
Nice one, Hanksy.
That’s all for now… I know it’s already Tuesday, but I do have a weekend wrap on the way. It was a big one. HANGTIGHT PR FOLK I LOVE YOU I’M JUST BUSSYYYYYYY WITH MY JOBBBBBBBB!
POKExFASHION: Where Miu Miu meets Mewtwo
Jan 25th
Some things fit together so naturally, so logically, that you don’t even need to think about them — they just kind of go, like socks and feet, bread and toasters, gumzy and keebler 3…
These things are boring.
I wear socks in my hair, mmkay? And as for bread, I ball that ish up, dip it in hot sauce and toss it into my mouth like a soggy little timbit of FIRE.
Gumzy and keebler3 are actually just awesome and not boring at all. I stumbled upon that older adults from Virgina dater hookup thread while searching for “pairs of things that go together.”
Either the whole lot of characters there is inadvertently hilar, or I’m just severely overtired. Whatever the case, it’s greatest thing I’ve stumbled upon in the past half-hour.
Found this gif there, too. GOLD, JERRY, GOLD!
Anyhoo, this Pokémon x Fashion blog is also great, because unlike all of the things I mentioned above, Pokémon and Fashion aren’t the likeliest of combos. And yet it works, so very very well.
Turns out I’m not the only human out there who loves both Clefairy and Céline, Tentacruel and Thierry Mugler, Diglett and Dior (Not sure if the pokexfashion artist actually made any of these combos, I just like alliteration)
WHO KNEW? Facebook, probably. Also, all of the fashion webzines. Stylecaster first reported on pokexfashion back in July of 2011 and Refinery29 had it in December of that same year.
A whole bunch of outlets came along like “hurr durr lookit so cool” last week and now I’m like “HURRRRPDUURRRP I M COOL TOOOOO,” but like, I actually do like both fashion and Pokémon very much.
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
Exhibit Ugh, this isn’t about me. I’ll stop. Throwback Thursday, woo!
Wow, Sir Snarksalot up in here eh? I’ll tone it back. Hecka stressed out right now. Sometimes it comes out in sonnnnng! But not now.
Here are a few more cool posts from pokexfashion, which Internet tells me is run by a young man in ONTARIO (just like me!) called franny pack. FRANNY PACK, WHO ARE YOU? LET’S BE FRIENDS! DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR POKEMON CARDS? I’ll steal some from my brother.
Go check out the rest for yourself right here right meow!
Night night.
Cat Ear Hat, People’s Choice Style, Nothing’s Gunna Stop Me Now!
Jan 11th
Do you have a dream, my friend? Something that you long to acccomplish? A goal you’re trying to reach? DO YOU EVER YEARN?
I Yearn. Yes, I yearn. Often, I sit and yearn. Sometimes, I yearn to be a kitty. Thanks to this Christmas gift from my Mom and Dad , I’m now one step closer to that dream
My mom ordered the fur ears cossack hat for me after seeing it on my Christmas Wishlist last month, but being that I didn’t create said wishlist until one week before Santa came and ASOS is based in England, I didn’t actually recieve it in the mail until now.
EXTRA CHRISTMAS JOY!!!
Good luck prying kitty-ear toque off my head EVER AGAIN
What’s YOUR ultimate life goal? Tell Balki and play this INCREDIBLY AWESOME 70-second long flash-based Perfect Strangers-themed game. Seriously. You won’t regret it.
SERIOUSLY.
In other news:
Oscar Nominations were announced today, so the show I host at work (CBC Live Online) focused on that and, simply put, I can’t hold off on seeing Django any longer. If I don’t see it by Saturday, I will surely perish. Chores can wait. My Tarantino-loving brain cannot.
I’m not much for the awards themselves, but I do love award show fashion and Twitter jokes.
The People’s Choice Awards went down last night, and the red carpet stylists for attendees put forth a solid show. Some of them, at least.
My choices for best dressed include Chloe Moretz in a neon floral Simone Rocha mini-dress, Taylor Swift in Ralph Lauren and Paris Hilton in Mary Katrantzou (Hilton wound up on a lot of worst-dressed lists, but only because she’s Paris Hilton. That dress is sick if you don’t look at with those shoes.)
On the um, uglier side of the sartorial buffet: Emma Watson in ill-fitting Peter Pilotto, Jennifer Lawrence in a sequined sack and Alison Sweeney in something from Sirens I think,
Also: KALEY CUCUO WINS AT EVERYTHING. I love her so much. She looked adorable and beautiful, even in the prommy crap.
Bed time for this kid. Long day. Brain. Tired. Do you think DDoS attacks be considered a legal form of protest and protected by the law, like an occupy demonstration? I wrote about it today and I can’t stop pensing on it… Anonymous makes an interesting (if not entirely hypocritical) argument.
CatWang, New kicks, Star Like Me, BBD!
Jan 7th
*peers out from behind curtain of WAHHHH*
Hallo?
HALLO!
Hallo friends. I am BACKish now from my 4-day-stretch of flu-induced hibernation to BLOW YOUR MIND with the kind of wicked-ehss geekity goodness y’all know me for… or, rather, I would be if I hadn’t been laid out for 18 hours a day since this betch of a bug hit me, barely even able to Tweet – let alone eat. The upside to that: Willie helped me finish some cottage cheese the other day and it was adorrrrable.
The most I’ve actually been able to accomplish since Thursday was a trip to Sport Chek earlier this evening to buy some new running shoes and dayglo workout gear. I ain’t even mad if it was the cough medicine that influenced this particular purchase because my new kicks are chopahcalohpah:
I’m just making up words to troll you guys at this point.
I’ve actually been working pretty hard on a “Best of 2012″ post over the past couple of evenings. It’s taking a long time, but I suppose I should be thankful for that. I had one heck of a year.
Hopefully, I’ll get that one up right soon so that I can start cranking on some new blojects for 2013! I got some tings, I got some tings. But for now, please enjoy…
The fruits of my time spent playing with the CatWang iPhone app!!! It’s totally free and ridiculously fun (if you’re into putting lasers and cat heads and other cool things on your photos. Which you must be, if you’re here.)
This commercial for the HOT NEW SOCIAL NETWORK Star Like Me which was most certainly produced in a basement somewhere in the Eastern Bloc. Yeah, yeah, I know that the Eastern Bloc doesn’t exist anymore (as of 20 seconds ago — thanks Wikipedia.)
Facebook, Twitter, WATCH YO BACK(end)S — Star Like Me is taking over:
Bwahahahaha. <-- Yeah, that's the best joke I have right now, "Bwahahahaha." I'll provide the material - you provide the punchlines, guys, just for today (and maybe all of the Sunday mornings too.)
Azealia Banks dropped a new track on New Year’s Day called BBD (Bad B*tches Do it). “It’s Trap, but it’s Rave. it’s Banjee, But still a lil classy,” she said on Twitter. Love? Hate? Meh?
I was 6 and 7s about it until I listened to it for the 5th time. Now I can’t get enough of it, or the Angel Haze diss track (ooooh Diss track!) she dropped on Soundcloud yesterday, produced by MACHINEDRUM. It gets tight at 1:37: NERPRUHBLUMSNOPRUHBLERRRMS rah grumble grooo NOPRUUUHBRLEERMS.
Espice!
Hey guys… have you ever realized that THE BRAIN NAMED ITSELF?
Night night.
This is what’s up for New Years Eve + KIMYE IS PREGNANT
Dec 31st
GUYS.
Kanye West just spilled the news that KIM KARDASHIAN IS PREGNANT WITH HIS BABY at a concert in Atlanta and the Internet is actually, at this very minute, exploding like spiders across the motherfricking stars — so imma make this post quick, for the hour of joke-writing and eye-rolling over said bad jokes and photochoppery is upon us…
There. That’s my grand contribution to this momentous piece of history. Peep the original image here if you want to see what STRONG photoshopping skills look like while I get back to thinking about my own life (in like, 3 minutes.)
Jokes, jeers and jealousy aside, I’m actually really happy for Kimye.
Those E! marathons that entertain me while I clean my room / lie on the bed eating bon-bons have taught me that the Kardashian Clan is quite baby-friendly, and I straight up love Yeezy as much as ever – as a producer, as a rapper, as a hilariously conceited public figure and, in recent years as a fashion plate too.
Kanye’s style is supreme – and I’m not being ironic. I love how ballsy and fashion-forward he is in terms of what he wears both onstage and off. Did you see those Margiela masks last night? Priceless!
Anyhoo, tomorrow is New Years Eve and here’s what I’ll be up to:
FIRST, I’m hosting an early-evening cocktail party at my place courtesy of Pinnacle Vodka who graciously sent me soooo many bottles of their delicious Original Whipped (from France!) that I loooove — along with some recipes and mixology supplies and the like.
I hit the party store earlier today for decorations and have decided to set up a Photobooth, make cupcakes with edible glitter on them, and assist Sean in making some real food for people to eat (if they’re not feeling glittercakes for whatever reason, though I can’t see why they wouldn’t be…)
You’ll see lots of photos from that bash to be sure both here on the blog and instantly as the festivations happen on Twitter and Instagram.
THEN I’m heading over to 159 Manning for one HECK of a bash (as are all of Tim McCready‘s legendary parties.)
Raymi and I are co-hosting / bartending / co-tending / tarbending, so stop by and say hey if you’re in the good hood and over the gross New Year’s Eve club scene too (sorry promoter buddies — NYE is amateur hour downtown. If I wanted to get puked on by sloppy shoeless suburbanites I’d… go into a club downtown on New Year’s Eve. I’ve got nothing. It’s late.)
There will be jillions of photos from that party too, believe.
Now please go eat some broccoli with hot sauce on it like I am doing. It’s good for you, and delicious too. Chances are, you’re going to be doing some delicious things that aren’t very good for you tomorrow night (Tequila shots off the hood of a cop car? Don’t do that. Never do that.)
Modern Seinfeld, Classic Rap Memes and The Full Body Sweater
Dec 13th
Hey, Hi, Happy Humpday!
Would you rock a full-body cable knit sweater like this guy for reasons other than to get yourself plastered all over the geekblogs?
I would not. Even just looking at that noise makes me itch all over like there are botflies under every inch of my skin, which I’m kind convinced of anyway after I saw that thing on the Discovery Channel about botflies 5 years ago. This sweater makes me feel like my botflies have botlfies. IT’S A DOUBLE BOTFLY SWEATER.
Actual serious warning though: Don’t Google “botfly.” For real. Don’t.
You just Googled it, didn’t you?
Anyhoo, this is what I wore today:
The leggings are liquid. The shoes are wedges. The vial necklace is by Wildfox — one of my favourite (if not the most ridiculously overpriced) Australian fashion brands ever. I bought it as a birthday present to myself
It reminds me of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s cross in cruel intentions, minus the drugs. I think I’m going to fill mine with perfume and pretend it’s loooove potion. What’s life without whimsy, eh?
GET IT?!? The Ice Cube Ice Cube button is one of my favourite old rap memes. Microsoft WORD is another, as well as all of the Wheelchair Drake and Joseph Ducreux archaic rap macros in existence pretty much.
I’ve had both of these kicking around in my “Images I like” folder on various laptops and hard drives for years along with hundreds of other timeless viral photos that seem to keep popping up on Tumblr and the like every now and again, which is why I was stoked to find this hilarious “Rap Memes” Facebook page that I followed for about a week. It disappeared before I could blog about it. Ain’t that the way? Google “rap memes” for some free-roaming lulz and remind me not to trust Facebook anymore.
Here’s something every bit as hilarious — if not more so — and a little bit more permanent than the Rap Meme Facebook page, I hope.
Follow Wednesday Modern Seinfeld. If you’re a hardcore fan of the show, you’ll appreciate these 140 character show pitches for a contemporary audience. It’s gold, Jerry, gold!
Elaine thinks an @nymag sex diary is about her. Jerry dumps his gf for being obsessed w/ Kate Middleton. Kramer spoils a TV show for George.
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 11, 2012
Jerry’s beautiful girlfriend (Kelly Macdonald) dumps him after Jerry, on George’s insistence, uses an emoticon in a text.
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 12, 2012
George “accidentally” sends a “reply all” e-mail in an attempt to get fired. He is promptly promoted for his gutsy attitude.
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 12, 2012
Jerry has to stop using Google because he is dating Lydia Mapquest, heiress to the Mapquest fortune. Elaine waits for a Starbucks bathroom.
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 12, 2012
Kramer gives Ted talk full of nonsense words, gets a standing ovation. George discovers that there’s a gay porn star named George Costanza.
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 11, 2012
Elaine yells at her co-workers for loving Pinterest. Kramer becomes an @uber driver. George opens actual jerk store on Etsy.
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 10, 2012
@seinfeldtoday Kramer gets into Weird Twitter. Jerry obsesses over his stand-up special’s AV Club grade. Elaine hates “Girls.”
— Brendan (@oneillb1) December 10, 2012
Kramer runs into Crazy Joe Davola, learns he’s not crazy just autistic and mis-medicated. “He’s on the spectrum! The spectrum, Jerry!”
— Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday) December 11, 2012
My gosh, just read the entire feed. I could go on for minutes and minutes — it’s one of the best uses of the medium I’ve seen in months. It’s the best, readers, THE BEST!
Last but not least, here’s Die Antwoord’s video for Fatty Boom Boom. It isn’t even close to new but it’s been in my backlog of things to blog about for months and I can’t stand not to post it any longer! So many drafts back there right now… you have no idea.
I’m really starting to miss the days when I could just blog about what I wanted to blog about every day. I should just put ads up and “monetize” the easy way already, eh?
I lied though. THIS is the last thing:
Hehe. Talk to you real soon, frands!
Sc.R.E.A.M and speaking about memes for Marketing Magazine
Nov 22nd
Oi!
Sorry I’ve been a few days absent on the ol’ blahwg heeeya.
I’ve been slammed in the wake of my birthday working on some things behind the velvet rope. The velvet roooope. *rubs velvet rope*
I’ve also been writing and napping and reading like a fiend to keep up with everything going on in the Justin and Selena scandal international politics.
On Tuesday though, I got a wee break from the news cycle to speak about web culture at Marketing Magazine’s annual social media conference, which was an honour and a blast.
REGARD:
I sometimes take for granted how immersed in the culture of the web I am since the people I’m around all day every day are just like me. It’s refreshing to speak about memes with people who are coming at this world from a different angle, especially in such a positive setting.
Thanks to Marketing Magazine for having me, and to everyone who came out to see me talk! Especially the person who took this photo. Here’s a copy of my “Internet memes for marketers” Prezi if you’re interested in zooming through:
And because I’m a stark raving narcissist HUMAN BEING who loves to hear nice things about herself, I put together an ego-inflating Storify of kind things people said about me on Twitter during and after my presentation. I’m not going to embed it here because mostly, this is for my mom and dad to show my grandparents.
They might not understand what I do, but they can at least appreciate that people think I’m doing a good job… well, some people. Nobody show grandma my YouTube comments, please.
The above photo is unrelated to anything in this blog post, but it’s great. If you don’t understand why you probably need to spend more time listening to your dad’s CD collection.
Yes, CD collection. If your father has already digitized his entire music collection, he’s probably too young to be into Toto as hard as my dad, and thus you are too young to appreciate The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air as it was in Grade 6 so WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?
Judging theoretical yous while I eat granola bars is what I do best.
Bragging of little victories, LOOK AT WHO MADE IT ONTO MASHABLE SORT OF:
Not me, but a Screenshot of the story I wrote for work about a 72-year-old man who models teen girl clothes. The Mashable story was about Storify’s new layout, and Storify had just happened to feature one of our stories when Mashable took the screenshot. LITTLE VICTORIES, FRIG MAN, I WAS EXCITED, and also just really want to link to this story because that grandpa’s got game.
Also linkworthy (and crucial if the title of this post is to make any sense: Wu-Tang Clan member GZA is teaming up with a Columbia professor to help public school students in New York City learn science through hip-hop.
Science rules everything around me! Get it?
Kitty cat cuddle time. We out, We out.
Cakeup confusion and Amanda Bynes: super troll (maybe.)
Oct 14th
Before: fresh out the showah. After: 1 hour later
Makeup, man.
I’ve been thinking about the goop girls (and boys who work in TV) cake onto their faces a little bit lately… How much I love it, how much I hate it, how different it makes us all look and feel…
My vice is eyeliner.
Thick, black, 15-year-old emo kid cum AVIRL LAVIGNE IMPERSONATOR style eyeliner with wings so heavy I can sometimes pass for something other than plain-white-girl in a very dark room when you’re drunk and have lost your prescription eyeglasses.
That dang cakeup, though — foundation, I suppose — I do not like. Not. one. bit.
I have been vocal about this hatred my entire life, every since they started slathering it all over my face for plays and dance recitals. “IT’S ITCHY! I’M GETTING IT ON MY SHIRT! I WANT TO TAKE IT OFF!”
I don’t know if it’s the products I’ve tried, the way my skin looks with goo on it, or the fact that I associate heavy makeup with work (and work with being a grownup), but I feel like it makes me look older (save for that special HD stuff they use at the ceeb. Holy crap is that some magical goo.)
I feel it makes a lot of people look older, or just plain worse – which is what got me onto this topic and inspired me to do a few before and after Photo Boothshots (see above.)
AMANDA, WHAT IS UP? YOU WERE SO PRETTY BEFORE YOU STARTED LOCKING YOURSELF INTO PUBLIC BATHROOMS TO DO YOUR MAKEUP FOR HOURS AT A TIME!!!
Admittedly, the second picture is about 4 years old and Miss Bynes has clearly been doing quite a bit of partying since that time… or has she?
J’ai un prédiction:
Amanda Bynes is not the Lohan-esque porschewreck she’s been making herself out to be in recent months years — she’s actually trolling us all like Joaquin Phoenix did, with some hardcore docuparody project (TBA?)
The hit and runs, The DUIs, The pap scuffles, pleading presidential tweets, spin-class wonkery, 2-hour dressing room lockdowns and… whatever the heck that business was with the bathroom cupcake: All of it, a long-running ruse!!!
Haven’t you seen She’s the Man 400 times? Amanda Bynes is funny. Talented. A really good actress!
The world has known this since 1996 when she served as Nickelodeon’s golden girl, goofing her way into our hearts with All That and then, later, The Amanda Show.
Our childhood hero is NOT on her way to shaved-head-Britneydom – she’s simply poking fun at our societal obsession with celebrities behaving badly… I hope.
If not, she could be also be a deeply troubled young person suffering from former-child-star-itis OR maybe she’s acting out in order to get some of those coveted “Lindsay Lohan roles” (?)
Whatever the case, I hope to see Amanda Bynes wiping some of that cake off her face real soon — unless it’s of the cup variety. Cupcake on the face is fine if you can reach it with your tongue to lick it off later.
Anyhoo, here’s a makeup job I DO like quite a bit, found on page 5 of a Google Images search for “too much makeup” (the first four pages were basically a Kardashian family photo album.)
And for those of you who want to read something better than some chick’s celebrity cakeup rant, a week linksplosion:
- Alexis Ohanian is running for President of the Internet (and should actually win if that ever becomes a thing)
- Basketball-Playing Grandma Becomes China’s Internet Darling
- Thank U 4 1 Million Subscribers. I am a famous Youtube Tween
- STD cupcakes: exist
- The Internet is an Oral Tradition, and Harvey Weinstein does not understand poetry
- Woman Slammed With $15 Quadrillion Phone Bill
- You can play zombie paintball in B.C. now
- Poppy Delevingne rocks cat ears to a Chanel event (it’s coming, guys… wait for it…)
- Clearing up rumors and hearsay as the Internet eagerly awaits the Gawker Reddit story
- Unmasking Reddit’s Violentacrez, The Biggest Troll on the Web
- This, I guess:
Huge photo-blog coming your way tomorrow. Promise to come back for it and I’ll promise not to suck your bloooooood, wa-ha-ha! 
