If I wanted to make this a two-word-long blog post, I could probably do that.
Here’s how it would read:
So, three words, I guess, including my name… plus a qualifier to tell you all that I was making a three-word-long post just to make a three-word-long blog post, bringing the entire thing to maybe 18 words.
Plus a photo caption.
So, I guess I could make this a two-world-long blog post, then I’d have to go up and delete everything except for “THIS SWEATER” and who the heck am I, Concision McGee? Quite the contrary, quite the contrary indeed.
Plus, I’ve got more to talk about right now than my sweet new sweater. It’s pretty sweet though, eh?
Some girl I spoke to when I was wearing that sweater Saturday night was all ”Why do you even tell people it’s fake? You should just say its real” to which I was like “Yeah, I could do that… If I were a total tool.”
A) Nobody in all of Liberty Village even knows who Jeremy Scott is because they all shop at places like J. Crew or something and B) If anything, I’m proud of my sick thrifty finds. Anyone who would spend the cost on an iPad on ONE sweater — a printed sweater that can at best be worn thrice a year (once in photos) is way worse with money than I am.
Anyhoo, I got tons of compliments at our local watering hole, where girls seldom dress in homage to 10-year-old boys and 10-year-old boys aren’t welcome anywhere within the vicinity.
Yupster minds of Libville be BLOWN by dat ish.
My style may have been better appreciated if we had walked over to WQW and up Oz to DundasW like I had wanted to (IT WAS WARM, GUYS) but then again, I would have gotten less compliments because myaw, everyone is cool up there.
That was a total joke. I wouldn’t rock that if my life depended on it (and it would never.)
Judging by the comments on the story I just linked to and on other stories around the web, many others wouldn’t either.
It was actually pretty hard for me to write an article about AspireAssist without gagging, but I thought it was blogworthy concept. It feels so… Wall-E to me, you know? Scary almost, that these devices are being used medically in Europe right now.
Here are some other, slightly less creepy, a lot less unfunny points of interest.
Rick, Chuck, Hot Guy, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton O'VIXENish, Pitbull (not pictured)
I just spent 40 minutes searching through “Hip Hop video model” websites with names like HustleBunny.com and HoodAcademyHoneys in search of ONE safe-for-work photo that I could shop my face onto and the best I could come up with was this:
That’s Rick Ross in digital brassiere.
Not technically a real video vixen, but sheet, it’s the closest thing I can find to one that still counts as PG-13 and won’t send you down a rabbit hole lined with insanely round butts that you can’t stop clicking on until you’re all “I’M NO VIDEO VIXEN! I’LL NEVER BE A VIDEO VIXEN! THE TITLE OF THIS POST IS MISLEADING WAHHHHHHHHHHH….”
I got a new peter pan collar though.
For real, if you get a chance check out HoodAcademyHoneys – with the sound on – the design alone is straight up lulzy.
Then peep my itty cameo in Rick and Chuck‘s new video, Starstruck (WARNING: HYPER-EXPLICIT LANGUAGE. IF RICK ROSS’S UNSHEILDED TITTAYS OFFEND YOU, THIS… WILL TOO.)
For eight graders, those boys really know how to get down.
Gosh, what am I saying? They’re Grade 8s, not “eight graders.” What am I, American? Ugh.
You can watch the rest of Rick and Chuck’s videos here — they’re absolutely hilarious (if you’ve got the right sense of humour. Read: a good one)
Al Roker pooped his pants at the White House and subsequently tossed his soiled underpants into the trash, walked around commando all day, and then admitted this all on national television. You… go, Al Roker… or something. Probably.
Getting the attention of somebody famous on Twitter is an actual life goal for some people (who are 15-year-old girls.) In general, I find this stupid and sad; the celebrity idolization, the desperate longing for a stranger’s validation, the rooting of one’s identity in who they manage to associate with.
That’s not to say I wouldn’t print out and frame a retweet from Justin Bieber to hang up next to my degrees if that jerk would just NOTICE MY EXISTENCE, let’s be real.
Public Enemy’s Chuck D is an artist I adore who did notice my existence on Twitter the other day, just not in the way that I might have hoped had I been the type to hope for a celebrity’s attention on Twitter.
I didn’t really understand his reply other than the part where he calls me stupid, but I’m guessing Chuck D isn’t aware of the “someone below” account / the person below me screencaps phenom.
Speaking of Reddit, a subreddit dedicated to the kind of stuff that sucks me into strange 3 a.m. YouTube binges exists. Word to the wise: Don’t cruise through r/popping while you’re eating yogurt… or anything else. Trust me.
The Sharp Suits art project highlights very stupid things that clients have actually given to professional creatives as feedback. It is the best thing ever if you’ve ever worked in advertising or a related field.
In 1979, Iranian militants stormed the U.S. embassy in Tehran and took more than 70 hostages. Six American diplomats managed to escape as the ambush took place and hid out in the home of Canadian ambassador Ken Taylor and his wife Pat. Ben Affleck’s Argo tells the story of how the CIA used a fake sci-fi flick to rescue them, and it’s incredible. Affleck’s dreamy face make it worth the watch alone, but learning all about the “Canadian Caper” is even better.
OHMYGOSH, SOMEBODY IS PRODUCING THE MAGIC SCHOOL BUS, THE MOVIE!
Okay, not really. That’s a fan-made trailer, if you couldn’t tell. It’s cute though, and really makes me wish that somebody WOULD boot a Magic School Bus film that sees the kids (now grown-ups) taking a field trip to hell. Hollah if you’re up for the challenge and need somebody to play Satan.
I’ve been thinking about the goop girls (and boys who work in TV) cake onto their faces a little bit lately… How much I love it, how much I hate it, how different it makes us all look and feel…
My vice is eyeliner.
Thick, black, 15-year-old emo kid cum AVIRL LAVIGNE IMPERSONATOR style eyeliner with wings so heavy I can sometimes pass for something other than plain-white-girl in a very dark room when you’re drunk and have lost your prescription eyeglasses.
That dang cakeup, though — foundation, I suppose — I do not like. Not. one. bit.
I have been vocal about this hatred my entire life, every since they started slathering it all over my face for plays and dance recitals. “IT’S ITCHY! I’M GETTING IT ON MY SHIRT! I WANT TO TAKE IT OFF!”
I don’t know if it’s the products I’ve tried, the way my skin looks with goo on it, or the fact that I associate heavy makeup with work (and work with being a grownup), but I feel like it makes me look older (save for that special HD stuff they use at the ceeb. Holy crap is that some magical goo.)
I feel it makes a lot of people look older, or just plain worse – which is what got me onto this topic and inspired me to do a few before and after Photo Boothshots (see above.)
Admittedly, the second picture is about 4 years old and Miss Bynes has clearly been doing quite a bit of partying since that time… or has she?
J’ai un prédiction:
Amanda Bynes is not the Lohan-esque porschewreck she’s been making herself out to be in recent months years — she’s actually trolling us all like Joaquin Phoenix did, with some hardcore docuparody project (TBA?)
Haven’t you seen She’s the Man 400 times? Amanda Bynes is funny. Talented. A really good actress!
The world has known this since 1996 when she served as Nickelodeon’s golden girl, goofing her way into our hearts with All That and then, later, The Amanda Show.
Our childhood hero is NOT on her way to shaved-head-Britneydom – she’s simply poking fun at our societal obsession with celebrities behaving badly… I hope.
If not, she could be also be a deeply troubled young person suffering from former-child-star-itis OR maybe she’s acting out in order to get some of those coveted “Lindsay Lohan roles” (?)
Whatever the case, I hope to see Amanda Bynes wiping some of that cake off her face real soon — unless it’s of the cup variety. Cupcake on the face is fine if you can reach it with your tongue to lick it off later.
Anyhoo, here’s a makeup job I DO like quite a bit, found on page 5 of a Google Images search for “too much makeup” (the first four pages were basically a Kardashian family photo album.)
And for those of you who want to read something better than some chick’s celebrity cakeup rant, a week linksplosion:
This blog post is being brought to you by no-name diet gingerale, my fake tattoo, and the little orange man who lives in my bed.
Submitted for your approval, a few blogworthy items from the past week that I didn’t get a chance to write about myself. Nothere, anyway.
- The Vice Guide to dating rich girls — a hilarious read, and pretty dang accurate based on my own personal experience (of knowing rich girls — not being one, in case you couldn’t tell by my work ethic and lack of loubs.)
Moving on to something a little bit more local, UNION STATION FLOODED yesterday. Like, majorly flooded. That’s newsy in and of itself, but it was what happened after the flood photos started surfacing on Twitter and Facebook that makes this blogworthy.
THAT, my friends is one of many excellent Rack City parodies. About 6 months too late, sure, but it’s Caturday my friends — and that shick is clever in so many ways. CAT CITY TRICK (Not to be confused with Cyriak’s “Kitty City,” please — a totally different and FANTASTIC beast.
I’m “procatinating” with Groundskeeper Willie right now, not going to lie. My friend Ashley is coming into town today so I’m getting my workout done EARLY. It’s way hard. And so, I continue to blog.
Lastly, this Tumblr is the greatest thing I’ve seen in weeks. Classic scenes from The Simpsons contrasted with the film shots they’re based upon.
Story time: When I studied Citizen Kane in 2rd year Media Aesthetics class I actually got excited over recognizing moments from the Mr. Burns Bobo episode. Ahhhh, Season 5. A golden time for the greatest show in the history of the world.
Cat beard, cat beard, what you gonna do? What you gonna do when it sheds on you?
Via Joanne Casey
I tend to tone down the more… “eccentric” parts of my personality when I’m at work. I try to, at least. We all do, right?
I mean, most of young professionals would like be taken seriously in the workplace so we act accordingly, despite the fact that we might be a little bit wacky off the click. We behave in a manner that is mature(ish). We are composed(ish). We are downright solemn when we need to be.
And then something like this happens:
Photo by Ryan Crouse, via CBCnews.ca
When that photo came through the CBC Your News Community, I literally squealed “KITTY!” like a five year old, grinning from ear to ear… I’m smiling right now just thinking about it.
Ceiling cat bless Mr. Ryan Krouse from Saskatchewan for making my Friday afternoon!
Stupid perverts: Man stabs his computer with a Samurai sword in an attempt to get rid of child porn as FBI agents raid his house.
Marketing face-palm: Some European clothing store has embedded digital “Facebook Like” counters on in-store hangers. No, seriously. #StealThemAll #YouGuysAreHip
WHY GOD, WHY?: Lisa Turtle completely wrecked herself with plastic surgery and what appears to be some sort of horrid skin lightener. Either that or she’s contracted some sort of uglifying disease, in which case I rescind everything that I’ve just so callously speweed out into onto the interwebs.
Image via Buzzfeed
But seriously though, I would totally rock the shirt Screech is wearing in that photo. Wouldn’t you? It’s very now.
Funny shorts: This video about a boy and some chocolate and some ladies will make you laugh. It’s well done and very cute.
Blasphemous Holograms: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Freddie Mercury now. Go ahead and tell me that the world “blasphemy” should be reserved for gods so that I can go ahead and tell you that Freddie WAS a god so that you can go ahead and tell me he wasn’t so that I can CUT YOU. Go ahead.
Dream life: Did you know that you can be a professional friggin’ mermaid? Like Ariel, only less “I’m actually half fish”ier!
Saw that coming: The Time magazine “I feed my grown kid with my boobs” cover has spawned an internet meme.
Inspirational: Janitor Graduates from Columbia University After 12 Years of Classes and Full-time Job
Track of the week goes to Tumblr sensation Kitty Pryde with “OK Cupid.” This is the new Kreayshawn, ladies and gentlemen — and I’m not just saying that because VICE did okay?
I seriously can’t get enough of this chick’s style.
I made a pledge to stay in this evening and rest up for tomorrow. Lots planned, big Sunday, and I don’t want to sleep until forever o’clock tomorrow because I was out until forever o’clock tonight ya know?
So, in an attempt to KEEP MYSELF INSIDE I put a hairmask on my head. An all-night-long hairmask.
I feel positively regal…
Is it weird that I’m stil tempted to head out looking like a shiny muffin?
I won’t though, because I’m going to watch THIS right meow instead:
The film, a documentary, is about a man who fashioned a tiny little camera-collar for his cat to wear. The footage is predictably adorable and hilarious. I haven’t even seen it yet, but I already know this to be true.
Have you ever wanted to see the world through a cat’s eye view? DO IT and then come back here for a little bit of L-L-L-Linksplosionage:
I recently learned that “link farm” is a dirty black hat SEO term that draws up images of spamdexing spambot spamwiches for people in the know.
Here I was in my naievity thinking that link farms were simply digital vegetable gardens of Urly goodness, carefully tended to by a loving webfarmer (ME) to provide for her information-hungry cyber family (YOU).
This is not the case.
I decided to find myself a new word for those lists of links I sometimes post, because “Links leading to cool things I found on the Internet” doesn’t have much of a ring to it.
Urban dictionary and I had a nice little sit down this morning over coffee and micow-eggs. A number of eligible candidates emerged, some from UD and some from my own mind (inspired by the terms I found on UD).
In the running: Tabathon, Linkbomb, Tab-blaster and my personal favourite as of 1:13pm, RAMbush (get it? Because opening up all of these tabs at once will tax the physical memory of your CPU…?).
For the purpose of mouthfeel and comprehensibility, I’ve decided to go with “LINKSPLOSION” and will post one today. Right after I drop some photos (and a Twitter joke) from this weekend:
My Starbucks order came to $4.04. “COFFEE NOT FOUND!” I squealed. “GET IT?!?!”The Barista did not.
On Friday night, I met a giant leaf. He offered me fake drugs but I declined just like they told me to in V.I.P.
The next morning I got my hurrs did at Civello on Queen West and it was a lovely experience. Here I am surfing the web on my iPhone while somebody washes my hair. They were polite enough not to make fun of me for it (at least not to my face):
Saturday afternoon brought some of my boyfriend’s family members to Toronto. They wanted to go shopping, as out-of-towners always do, and I was more than happy to tag along.
Seany bought the vest. I passed on the dress.
I wholeheartedly love neon but can we please not get carried away with the 80s crap, guys? Day-glo sweaters and highlighter nails are one thing (two things, actually), but skintight wetsuit-inspired dresses, especially ill-fitting ones, are ugly.
If it didn’t work for Michael Kors, what on Saturn made H&M think that anybody would want this?
Saturday night was stacked with dinner at Fresh and some party-bopping &Cabs&Cabs&Cabs&Cabs.
Learn more about The Everything Roof (and show your support!) here.
I would have stayed at that particular party for a lot longer if the others in my group weren’t so intent on bouncing to the next one, which just so happened to be Toronto’s preeminent monthly dim sum dance party Happy Endings. Got snapped there too…
I’m starting to think that this kissy face is worse than the duck face. Surely, both are better than shocked face. I could do with a better face. Look at my hat!
Today involved much sleeping and cuddling and running indoors. Gotta love that rain…