linkfarm

Bart Simpson Sweater, Barbie-Leg Pumps and a big Humpday Linksplosion

If I wanted to make this a two-word-long blog post, I could probably do that.

Here’s how it would read:

THIS SWEATER.

-Lauren”

So, three words, I guess, including my name… plus a qualifier to tell you all that I was making a three-word-long  post just to make a three-word-long blog post, bringing the entire thing to maybe 18 words.

Plus a photo caption.

So, I guess I could make this a two-world-long blog post, then I’d have to go up and delete everything except for “THIS SWEATER” and who the heck am I,  Concision McGee? Quite the contrary, quite the contrary indeed.

Plus, I’ve got more to talk about right now than my sweet new sweater. It’s pretty sweet though, eh?

I picked this gem up just West of the Annex last week for about 1/5th of how much the one it’s a knock-off of  would cost (Jeremy Scott F/W 2012, you know the one.)

Some girl I spoke to when I was wearing that sweater Saturday night was all ”Why do you even tell people it’s fake? You should just say its real” to which I was like “Yeah, I could do that… If I were a total tool.”

A) Nobody in all of Liberty Village even knows who Jeremy Scott is because they all shop at places like  J. Crew or something and B) If anything, I’m proud of my sick thrifty finds. Anyone who would spend the cost on an iPad on ONE sweater — a printed sweater that can at best be worn thrice a year (once in photos) is way worse with money than I am.

Anyhoo, I got tons of compliments at our local watering hole, where girls seldom dress in homage to 10-year-old boys and 10-year-old boys aren’t welcome anywhere within the vicinity.
Yupster minds of Libville be BLOWN by dat ish.

My style may have been better appreciated if we had walked over to WQW and up Oz to DundasW like I had wanted to (IT WAS WARM, GUYS) but then again, I would have gotten less compliments because myaw, everyone is cool up there.

So, Bart Simpson Sweater: would you rock it?

Would that I were cool as Cara Delevigne...

How about these “Glitter Doll Heel Pumps” by Dumas then, hmmmm?

I would rock these for novelty’s sake, but only if they were free. 800$ to put butts under my heels? Cute concept, but no.

Lastly, Would you rock this lovely personal stomach pump?

Ewwwwwwwwww.

That was a total joke. I wouldn’t rock that if my life depended on it (and it would never.)

Judging by the comments on the story I just linked to and on other stories around the web, many others wouldn’t either.

It was actually pretty hard for me to write an article about AspireAssist without gagging, but I thought it was blogworthy concept. It feels so… Wall-E to me, you know? Scary almost, that these devices are being used medically in Europe right now.

Here are some other, slightly less creepy, a lot less unfunny points of interest.

LINKSPLOSION, ACTIVATE!

Man mocks his son’s selfie habit in the greatest photo I’ve seen today:

C’est tout. Bon nuit.

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Rick and Chuck get Starstruck + I’m a Video Vixen Now

Rick, Chuck, Hot Guy, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton O'VIXENish, Pitbull (not pictured)

I just spent 40 minutes searching through “Hip Hop video model” websites with names like HustleBunny.com and HoodAcademyHoneys in search of ONE safe-for-work photo that I could shop my face onto and the best I could come up with was this:

That’s Rick Ross in digital brassiere.

Not technically a real video vixen, but sheet, it’s the closest thing I can find to one that still counts as PG-13 and won’t send you down a rabbit hole lined with insanely round butts that you can’t stop clicking on until you’re all “I’M NO VIDEO VIXEN! I’LL NEVER BE A VIDEO VIXEN! THE TITLE OF THIS POST IS MISLEADING WAHHHHHHHHHHH….”

Or something.

;

I got a new peter pan collar though.

For real, if you get a chance check out HoodAcademyHoneys – with the sound on – the design alone is straight up lulzy.

Then peep my itty cameo in Rick and Chuck‘s new video, Starstruck (WARNING: HYPER-EXPLICIT LANGUAGE. IF RICK ROSS’S UNSHEILDED TITTAYS OFFEND YOU, THIS… WILL TOO.)

For eight graders, those boys really know how to get down.

Gosh, what am I saying? They’re Grade 8s, not “eight graders.” What am I, American? Ugh.

You can watch the rest of Rick and Chuck’s videos here — they’re absolutely hilarious (if you’ve got the right sense of humour. Read: a good one)

;

;

Here’s what else is up:

Also, some octogenarian sisters were reunited after 72 years via Facebook, A robot rock band exists, And some hotpants wearing, high-kicking superhero just stopped a suicidal woman from knifing herself in China.

;

I love the world today.

Bon nuit :)

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Chuck D hates me and 17 other things I learned this week

by Ilse Valfre

Getting the attention of somebody famous on Twitter is an actual life goal for some people (who are 15-year-old girls.) In general, I find this stupid and sad; the celebrity idolization, the desperate longing for a stranger’s validation, the rooting of one’s identity in who they manage to associate with.

That’s not to say I wouldn’t print out and frame a retweet from Justin Bieber to hang up next to my degrees if that jerk would just NOTICE MY EXISTENCE, let’s be real.

Public Enemy’s Chuck D is an artist I adore who did notice my existence on Twitter the other day, just not in the way that I might have hoped had I been the type to hope for a celebrity’s attention on Twitter.

I didn’t really understand his reply other than the part where he calls me stupid, but I’m guessing Chuck D isn’t aware of the “someone below” account / the person below me screencaps phenom.

I tried to explain:

 

If he saw my apology, he didn’t respond. I have angered Chuck D. I am Public Enemy’s enemy.

*sigh* it was fun while it lasted, Flav…

Wakestock 2010

Here are a few of the more interesting things I learned this week:

  • Speaking of Reddit, a subreddit dedicated to the kind of stuff that sucks me into strange 3 a.m. YouTube binges exists. Word to the wise: Don’t cruise through r/popping while you’re eating yogurt… or anything else. Trust me.

  • The Sharp Suits art project highlights very stupid things that clients have actually given to professional creatives as feedback. It is the best thing ever if you’ve ever worked in advertising or a related field.
  • This is what Junior from Problem Child looks like now:

  • Ryan Gosling and Steve Carell had a son. There’s not other explanation for this guy:

  • In 1979, Iranian militants stormed the U.S. embassy in Tehran and took more than 70 hostages. Six American diplomats managed to escape as the ambush took place and hid out in the home of Canadian ambassador Ken Taylor and his wife Pat. Ben Affleck’s Argo tells the story of how the CIA used a fake sci-fi flick to rescue them, and it’s incredible. Affleck’s dreamy face make it worth the watch alone, but learning all about the “Canadian Caper” is even better.
  • OHMYGOSH, SOMEBODY IS PRODUCING THE MAGIC SCHOOL BUS, THE MOVIE!

Okay, not really. That’s a fan-made trailer, if you couldn’t tell. It’s cute though, and really makes me wish that somebody WOULD boot a Magic School Bus film that sees the kids (now grown-ups) taking a field trip to hell. Hollah if you’re up for the challenge and need somebody to play Satan.

Night night!

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