Rick and Chuck get Starstruck + I’m a Video Vixen Now

Rick, Chuck, Hot Guy, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton O'VIXENish, Pitbull (not pictured)

I just spent 40 minutes searching through “Hip Hop video model” websites with names like HustleBunny.com and HoodAcademyHoneys in search of ONE safe-for-work photo that I could shop my face onto and the best I could come up with was this:

That’s Rick Ross in digital brassiere.

Not technically a real video vixen, but sheet, it’s the closest thing I can find to one that still counts as PG-13 and won’t send you down a rabbit hole lined with insanely round butts that you can’t stop clicking on until you’re all “I’M NO VIDEO VIXEN! I’LL NEVER BE A VIDEO VIXEN! THE TITLE OF THIS POST IS MISLEADING WAHHHHHHHHHHH….”

Or something.

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I got a new peter pan collar though.

For real, if you get a chance check out HoodAcademyHoneys – with the sound on – the design alone is straight up lulzy.

Then peep my itty cameo in Rick and Chuck‘s new video, Starstruck (WARNING: HYPER-EXPLICIT LANGUAGE. IF RICK ROSS’S UNSHEILDED TITTAYS OFFEND YOU, THIS… WILL TOO.)

For eight graders, those boys really know how to get down.

Gosh, what am I saying? They’re Grade 8s, not “eight graders.” What am I, American? Ugh.

You can watch the rest of Rick and Chuck’s videos here — they’re absolutely hilarious (if you’ve got the right sense of humour. Read: a good one)

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Here’s what else is up:

• Today at CES, A Japanese company unveiled a new weight-loss fork that keeps track of how quickly you’re eating to scream out “SLOOWWW DOWNNNN” when you’re going too fast or something probably.
• This 10-year-old boy saves kitty cats and is 2013 Jesus or something probably.
• Al Roker pooped his pants at the White House and subsequently tossed his soiled underpants into the trash, walked around commando all day, and then admitted this all on national television. You… go, Al Roker… or something. Probably.

• BRAZILIAN INMATES TRIED TO SMUGGLE THINGS INTO PRISON USING A CAT! What a kitty!

• A New Zealand man visiting his girlfriends’ parents Canada spent 150 hours building a multi-coloured igloo over the holidays. It is awesome:

Also, some octogenarian sisters were reunited after 72 years via Facebook, A robot rock band exists, And some hotpants wearing, high-kicking superhero just stopped a suicidal woman from knifing herself in China.

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I love the world today.

Bon nuit