Girl Crush Trifecta: Azealia Banks, Mandy Maynard and BitchesGottaEat.

Oi, ickle biddies. Happy “It’s not Monday anymore”

That young lass is Miss Azealia Banks: a delightfully foul-mouthed rap chick extraordinaire and self-professed “Rap Larry David” hailing from Harlem.

Maybe you’ve heard of her? She’s blowing and blowing and blowitting UP right meow. Has been for a while I guess.

Photo by Matt Barnes

I remember seeing her name pop up round the webs a while back (actually, I think I discovered her first on Matt Barnes’ portfolio), but never took the time to check her out. After finally seeing this video, I very much regret that. It’s sick as that pale kid from the Secret Garden, holy man:

MRAOW! Imma ruin you ____….

That fooking BEAT-t-t-t-t. She’s got flow, too. Raunchy as sin, cute as a puppet. My kind of rapper

Photo by Matt Barnes

I also kind of love how openly disses her competition whenever she gets the chance (no disrespect to Kreayshawn or Nicki, both of whom I know read this blog religiously.) Starting feuds is stupid, right? Except for when it’s not.

Anyhoo, I’m glad I finally gave Ms. Banks a thorough creep. I can feel cool calling myself a fan right now while she still in that “post-Internet famous but pre-hit single on the radio” zone.

GIRL CRUSH 2 = A Chicago blogger named Samantha that I know little about other than the fact that she’s the coolest person on Earth right now. Please read this hilariously poignant post. Well worth the time spent, I promise.

GAHDDAMNIT READ A BOOK, BOYS!

GIRL CRUSH 3 = Mandy Maynard, who I also stumbled upon tonight after catching this “Hunger Games parody video she created on The Mary Sue.

I can honestly say that I like it one thousand times more than the original because a) it’s awesome b) HUNGER GAMES and c) The original is creepy as hell.

What kind of guy would actually get himself blown up for a girl and then have the nerve to be angry with her for not wanting to do the same? Bruno Mars. That’s who.

Oh. The lineup for Coachella was released today…

Is it a sign that I’m losing my cool if I think this year is kind of “meh” (save for day 3, which rules entirely)?

The Twitter kids are all “OH EM GEE AMAZEBALLSZZZSSS, THE BLACK BEARDS AND UNITARDLET! TOGETHER AT LAST!” but I’m not into many of the bands performing on the first two days. Sorry Pitchfork.

That said, I’ll still go if I can swing it.

How sick would it be to see Snoop and Dr. Dre In Califor-nigh-yay? And the mysterious prince of TO hype-music himself? Snning among legions of sweaty young bathing suit clad thangs in the middle of nowhere…

The vlogs… the vlogs! The videos and street-style snaps would be legendary. You should hire me to cover it for you, magazine editor / website editor / newspaper editor / TV show producer.

Rolling Stone Managing Editor? I’m a good journalist, I am…

I was, at least, before I sold out to ad-land.

Anyhoo, I just finished shooting an unboxing video for my sweet new Tassimo brewer! The love is already strong. You’ll see it in a couple of days if you come on back here. Until then, here’s a photo of WILLIE’s experience with the Tassimo(‘s box):

Cats. Drats. Cat Tats.

That’s that.

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