Oh. Snap.

That’s the sound of my hip breaking, 68 years in the future when I try to bust out a split jump at 92. It will be THAT loud because my bones are THAT strong. Drink your milk, kids.

I’ve been saying for years that my life goal is to become a hilarious old lady – perhaps of the rapping variety – so when I logged onto Buzzfeed this morning as per yooje and saw this, I was stoked.

Girls like me need more positive role models, wouldn’t you say?

Behold – MY FUTURE (minute 0:49 is where it really starts to get good):

I joke about how one day I will be that woman, but the truth is I kind of already am – minus 60 some-odd years, of course.

I don’t chill out in front of the CD listening box at Wal-Mart (things must be different where homegirl lives… in my neck of the woods, those stations are all crappy flute-laced lullaby mixes and puppets who sing about sharing) but I AM that girl who dances around the aisles of the supermarket like she’s Britney 1.0 when some good tunes are blaring over the PA.

If nobody’s around to see, I’ll practice pirouettes in the produce section – and I’m not just saying that for alliteration’s sake.

I bump and grind my way down the frozen food corridors, doing my little turn on the catwalk, even going so far as to slide across a particularly shiny floor like Tom Cruise in risky business when I feel like it.

I’d prove this with a video if I could find a friend who wasn’t too embarrassed to be seen with me when I get like this.

I’m not actually bff with that lil’ nugget, but I found that picture in my Mexico album when I was looking for the sunhat one above and I had to work it into this post somehow. Too scary good.

But back to our new friend.

Remember Grandpa Gaga? Well this is where I would have said he’s got some competition if I didn’t first think of a loooove connection.

What can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic. This is a match made in heaven. Almost a little bit too literally…

eek.

Before this post gets any weirder, I think I should get to bed. It’s been a long, productive day! Big things popping once again my friends… big big things :)

Night night, sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite! (seriously.)

Love always,

- Grandma Gaga.

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