Posts tagged axe
Last Day to Vote: Why Lauren O’Neil should be AXE Canada’s next consumer consultant
Mar 31st
Gooooood Hump day morning dames and gents!
Today is March the 31st.
This is significant for two reasons.
1. It’s the day before April Fool’s Day. Consider yourself forewarned.
2. It’s the last day of public voting for AXE Canada’s Ridiculously, Ridiculously good summer gig.
This means that I will no longer be spamming your tweetfeed with “LAUREN FOR AXE” propaganda. (promise!)
It’s been a blast and a half so far – seriously. I’m so glad I decided to apply for this competition. I’ve had a crazy fun three months AXEing it up with challenges, promoting the gig when I’m out on the town, and getting to know some of the other competitors.
They’re all bomb as Hiroshima, fyi.
You should really follow them all on Twitter right meow -> @bigalhal @Tatomme @axegirljaime @vaughnturnbull @max_marcus @bryankellyaxe @jamesclift @mkrundle @xbrandimacx
Something else that you mayyyy want to do? Vote me up in the ibeatyou.com “best pick up face challenge“. I’ve dropped to number 5 (Damn you Von Star!) – but if I can rise back up through the ranks to beat out all of the other AXE competitors, I could win me an XBOX and play video games all night long forever and ever…
HELP ME REALIZE THIS DREAM.
The final thing that I’m going to ask you for, dear reader, is a fan sign (if you haven’t already hooked me up with one). You have until midnight tonight to get one in – if I get two more, the bikini run is a go. No snow left, but I’ll make it hilarious somehow. Trust.
Full fansign making instructions can be found here, and if you need some inspiration, check out my good looking friends below:
And if you want a little bit more inspiration (or you’re just a perv like me who enjoys looking at hot, near-naked dudes), check out this fansign that Tatomme got…
No idea who this guy is, but that’s freaking mad support right there. Hey Frikshun -I know you’re packing better than this under those snazzy duds. Let’s shown ‘em up!
Finally, I would like to share with you some reference letters.
As part of the application for this gig, we were required to submit two letters of reference. I could sit here and tell you all about how I’d rock this gig out so hard your mind will legitimately EXPLODE – but imma hand the mic over to my boys Chris and Nate to do it for me.
They’re both kind of a big deal, if you didn’t already know:
I hope whoever’s job it is to read these letter has found this one near the top of the pile, because now you don’t need to read the rest. Hopefully you’re also being paid for the task and not by the hour.
There is no one more suited to be the Axe Spokesgirl than the girl I’m endorsing: Lauren O’NizzleWe met this summer when I was TA-ing her journalism class. She quickly proved herself to be the most talented writer, an enthusiastic learner and a hard worker.
For the first radio story she covered, she drove alone to Motown Records in Detroit the day Michael Jackson died.
She was the one little blond girl in a crowd of thousands of MJ-celebraters, pointing a microphone at anyone who had something to say.
Just one of many examples of the drive and fierce independence Lauren showed when I worked with her.The girl is:
-up for any adventure, and gutsy enough to lead them.
-funny enough to make you laugh when she’s making fun of herself.
-always immaculately dressed, looking sharp, smart and sexy without being slutty.
-every kind of smart: street-wise, book-smart, media-literate and tech-savvy.
-all over social media; one of the few people I know who blogs, tweets and Facebooks things worth reading.All this and she’s modest too.
Forget Paris, forget Britney, forget Angelina. There is only O’Nizzle.
This might all sound like hyperbole, but rest assured, I’m understating Lauren’s talents.
She’s like a shotgun shooting fireworks to the moon.
This is the girl you’re looking for.Sincerely,
Chris Mitchell
*tear*
I love you Chris Mitchell.
To The Axe Summer Gig Selection Team:
I would like to recommend Lauren O’Neil as a candidate for the upcoming Axe Summer Gig Campaign. Why? Because she is awesome. And not just your run-of-the-mill awesome either. She emanates an aura of awesome that is conducive to proliferating further awesomeness in those around her. I have worked with this young lady on a few ventures into pseudo-journalism and while she is more than capable of conducting herself in a professional manner, she is even more effective when she lets loose her unbridled wit and seeks to entertain.
In the last few months Lauren has wowed us with her brand of wit and sheer tom-foolery. She’s quick on her feet, and an expert at taking others off their guard and induce hilarity… and she’s kind of hot. Did I mention that? I’m not sure if it’s the blonde hair or the winning smile, but the woman’s got charisma for days.
In our ever changing world it has become apparent that there will be leaders and there will be followers. Lauren is a leader. When she speaks people listen. When she Tweets people follow. Lauren is a whiz with video editing, adept at graphic design, and a master of the written art… and she makes a mean omelet… that’s one of the requirements right?
In short Lauren is hilarious, outspoken, aesthetically appealing, and has established herself on the forefront of social media. She was born for great things. Give her a summer the world will remember.
Yours truly,
Nate H
Editor- The Lion’s Den University
Nate, you are the wind beneath my wings. #kitteh
PS. I love you.
Welp, that is all for now friends. I’ve REALLY got to get to school and transcribe me a long, long interview and get cracking on a prezi for tomorrals.
Thank you all so very, very much for your support. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I won’t find out if I’ve landed the gig or not until the END OF APRIL (The suspense will surely kill me!) – but you know I’ll be posting all about it, win or lose, when the time comes.
In the meantime, you can find me all up over teh internetz doing what I do.
Now, and forevermore…
Love,
Lauren.
klockan woes and super tea…
Mar 15th
It’s been a long, long day. A rollercoaster of a day.
It all began with an unexpected spring forward…
Despite being told a katrillion times, I totally goofed on the Daylight Savings noise. Again.
Last year, I showed up to yoga mid Savasana and totally broke everybody’s bliss with a big ol’ “JEEBUS FRICK ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HOW THE HAY DID I FORGET THIS SHITE – AGAIN!?!”
Fortunately, the bad news that I had lost an hour of my day was broken to me by my blackberry and not an irritated mob of sweaty hippies this year.
Despite having a ree-bloop-u-lously jam packed Sunday sched, I decided to let myself sleep until *gasp* NINE O’CLOCK today. I know; crazy! Maxo relaxo, righ’?
After my stupid alarm clock blared for about 20 minutes, I finally pried my eyelids apart and reached over to give my baby a little bit of good morning love.
I immediately noticed that it was NOT 9:21. It wasn’t even 9:22. Nope. It was – as you may have already predicted – 10:21.
UP I JUMPED! Like an excited fur baby on Hallowe’en morning!
It was 10:22 am and my BFF was slated to arrive from Toronto in just over an hour.
I hadn’t even showered yet – let alone cleaned my room and cranked out a solid run on the treadmill while simultaneously doing my school readings for tomorrow like I had planned.
SO I hauled eh-ess-ess and got done as much as I could… (needless to say, the space under my bed is now significantly more cluttered with stuff than it was this morning).
The rest of the day was pretty chaotic, but it was also wonderful… and terrible. It was a productive, hilarious, frustrating, rewarding, delicious, spooky, confusing and long, long day…
Thank goodness I had a few awesome friends handy to cheer me up along the way.
I’ll give you a few of the highlights before I drag my patootie away from the web and into the bed.
Today, I…
- Shot and edited a complete (and pretty badass, if I do say so) minute-long music video. Look for it soon on www.axesummergig.ca 
- Cut a demo reel and shot an epic-ish audition tape. Wish me luck…
- Made a really big salad. Nothing ish about it. It was straight epic.
- Had some deericious purple-rice veggie sushi and drank magical flowering elixir at Zen Garden (their specialty is special tea)
- Discovered a new favourite-video-ever of the day (maybe even the week – it’s seriously effing awesome).
Big ups to my girl Dez for introducing me to the beauty that is Ninjasonik.
That’s the best of the good today. The bad sucked up an equal amount of time – but the bad can suck on my nyutz. The bad doesn’t belong on my blog or in my consciousness…
You see, I am just so very zen right now. Thank you special magic flower tea
Now, slumber must I. (Did I mention the 10 seconds that I was forced to watch Yoda kick some dude’s butt on the flatscreen at school? Star Wars was on TV.)
G’night puppykins!
<3 Leelee
P.S. - Does anybody know where I can get this alarm clock???
AXE Challenge # 3 – The pick up face.
Mar 6th
People often ask me how I manage to pull in so many boys when I’m out at the club / bar / grocery store / funeral parlour.
Not to brag or anything, but I’m sort of an expert when it comes to picking up – and I think this confuses a lot of the girls I come across.
I mean, it’s not like I’m especially good looking or perfectly styled or or anything. I don’t have crazyhuge boobies, I can’t apply foundation for the life of me, I suck at accessorizing and I’m not Ms. Janie Pop-Bottles.
I’m definitely more of an Amanda Bynes than a Megan Fox; know what I’m sayin’?
Yet, despite my inherent goofiness and my lack of hair-poofing prowess, I always seem to get mad attention from the opposite sex. Admittedly, almost every girl with two legs and a relatively hairless upper lip gets hit on like crazy when she steps into a nightclub – that’s just the way it is. But I get hit on a LOT… even when I’m rolling with chicks who are undeniably way hotter than I am.
So, what is it that makes guys walk past those busty, lipstick wearing beauties and roll up to my klutzy blonde ass instead? Are they attracted to my confident swagger? The mustard stain on my shirt? Can they tell that within my head I hold a wealth of random useless trivia knowledge and have the entirety of “Songs in the Key of Springfield” memorized? Do they figure that maybe they have a better chance of scoring with the girl who’s rocking chipped nail polish, as opposed to the goddess beside her with the flawless French mani?
It’s probably the latter, but I like to think that it’s because I’ve enticed them with my tried and true PICK UP FACE :
K, so usually I’ve got a straw, not a finger, in my mouth, but you get the idea.
The point of this little blabbity bloo is that The latest AXE gig challenge has been posted! Yes, it’s true!Check it ooot, pee-poles!
Have YOU got a good pick up face? If so, it could win you a year’s supply of AXE Products. Go enter the AXE SUMMER GIG Best Pick up face photo competition at ibeatyou.com and play with us!
Come on – I’ve showed you mine, now you show me yours Or at the very least, head on over to vote for your girl. I promise to share the wealth if I do, in fact, win the challenge.
Now, I must go finish my readings about the hegemony of instrumental rationality in the news for “Media Theory & Criticism” class before I go out and kill some brain cells with a few bevvys and a whole lot of loud, loud music.
Work before play and all that jazz… you know how it is 
<3 L
P.S. -> You’ve got 2 days left to tag yourself in an “I vote for Lauren fansign” on Facebook before that challenge is over and I FAIL EPICALLY. Unless I get like, 14 more signs by Monday, it looks like the bikini run is a no-go. BLARGHHGHGHGG!!! >:(
Look Mom! I’m a SAH-LEB-RAH-TEE! (x4)
Feb 22nd
Oh me, oh my! I’m feeling positively famous these days… No big deal.
Okay, so “famous” might be a bit of a stretch – but can you blame a girl for getting excited? I mean, who doesn’t like to see their own mug splayed across the pages of a local newspaper? It’s freaking cool!
Ch-ch-check it, folks:
London Free Press : UWO student in line for $10K summer job
Chatham-Daily News : A summer gig to die for
Chatham This Week : Local woman in the running for national AXE gig
University of Windsor Daily News : UWindsor grad in running for sweet summer gig
¡Muy excitemento!
This AXE gig competition is really ramping up, boys and girls. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been interviewed no less than five times. And no more than 5 times. I’ve been interviewed 5 times, I should say… whatever. Sorry. Anyways, I’ve got another interview on Friday – this one, live on that there Teevee box *gulp*.
Please welcome fellow contestant Maddie and I into your living rooms this Friday, Feb. 26th at 11:00am and 3:00pm – we’ll be on Rogers’ Daytime.
By the way – have you seen Challenge # 1 yet? A day in the life of yours truly – photoblog style…
C’est Tout for today.
Oh wait – one more thing :
Oh yeah –
VOTE
.
Magazine Karma and Katy Perry’s Pseudo-Wisdom
Feb 15th
It’s no secret (to anyone who’s seen my basement) that I’m a magazine junkie. I’m talkin’ JUN-KIE. I read magazines almost every single day; especially in the winter when I like to multitask it up on the treadmill. Yup – there’s nothing like sweating it out to a good ol’ couture spread or gadget review or um… the latest developments in Heidi Montag’s life… *cough*. Treadmill time is my “me time”, OKAY? Don’t judge.
I read from a wide variety of genres – Fashion, fitness, tech, science, design, news, entertainment, hipster, current affairs, gossip, craft, froofy-frah-frah, homemakery, indie zines, general awesomeness – I like it all! And I buy it all. Well… sort of.
You see, if I were to buy every single magazine I wanted to buy, I’d be even more broke than I already am (if that’s even possible). So, while I do buy far too many magazines (and subscribe to four), I end up picking up a lot of my treadmill fodder from the piles of magazines I see lying around the gym.
Of course, this doesn’t always work out well. It really depends on what gym I’m at on any given day (I’m a Goodlife gangsta so I have access to any of like, 10 gyms in this city alone – plus the University gym). Most of the time the selection is “meh” – sometimes it’s pretty aight – and sometimes it’s straight BOLLOCKS (I’m talking 2005 issues of Chatelaine, Men’s Health, and that Oprah magazine that’s always got Oprah on the cover. I think it’s called “Oprah” or something. That would make sense.) The new gym near my condo always seems to have recent issues of US Weekly around which is sweeet, but not exactly the most satisfying to read.
ANYWAYS, every once in a while (usually when I’m working out in a nicer part of town), I’ll spot a real gem on the racks. A brand new Shape Magazine with Carrie Underwood on the cover, or a pristine Walrus with an interesting feature article inside or – be still my heart – a super-thick British Vogue!
I kid you not – this has all actually happened to me, and these happy finds are starting to happen more and more often lately. Why? Because I’ve got great magazine karma.
“Why Lauren; What is Magazine Karma?” You ask?
Well, according to Wikipedia (Which I would argue, much to the chagrin of mainstream academic institutions everywhere, is, in fact, a credible source), Karma is “the concept of ‘action’ or ‘deed’, understood as that which causes the entire cycle of cause and effect originating in ancient India and treated in Hindu, Jain, Sikh and Buddhist philosophies.”
When referenced by plebians like me, it’s usually taken to mean something along the lines of “what goes around comes around“.
Based on this principle, it is my belief that by leaving good magazines behind for others to discover at the gym, I will in turn discover good magazines myself. In the past three weeks alone, I’ve donated a brand new Marie Claire, an InStyle, a People magazine, a VegNews, a Women’s Health and countless Globe and Mails (newspapers aren’t magazines, but they’re good reading too!) to magazine racks at various Goodlife fitness clubs across the city.
In that same time period, I scored a Feb. 2010 Canadian Living, a Feb. 2010 Cosmo, a whole whack of recent tabloids, and this (Feb. 2010) issue of Glamour:
I effing LOVE Glamour, so I was like “SCORE!”.
Magazine Karma, man… I’m tellin’ ya!
Sooo, to segue akwardly into the topic that actually inspired me to start writing this post – it was through acquiring this issue of Glamour (that I only acquired because I left another good magazine behind at some point) that I learned pop star Katy Perry and I have a lot in common when it comes to our attitudes about love, sex and boysboysboys.
I was reading the Perry article on the elliptical trainer downtown and I was literally like “mmmhmm, preach it girl!”. Out loud – not just in my head like a normie. This happens a lot, I must admit. I’m pretty sure the people at Goodlife think I’m crazy or uh… whatever the politically correct word for “retarded” is.
I know that journalists are encouraged to make their subjects seem supercool in these types of magazines (have you ever noticed that almost every celebutard cover story in a fashion magazine starts with the writer talking about how surprised she is that the starlet in question is really “down to earth”, in sneakers and jeans, hair effortlessly swept up in a loose chignon, adopted shelter puppy in tow…) – Katy Perry’s interview could very well have been edited to make her sound like a dope chick that she is not. In fact, I would be surprised if it hadn’t been; but I like the content of this article regardless. Perry, or whoever the fehck is behind these words, is one savvy little cookie imho.
Rrraygahld…
THE BOY-RELATED WISDOM OF MS. KATY PERRY:
On the best thing about men…
“their sense of humour.”
[OBVS]
On dealbreakers…
“Lack of ambition. I can’t deal when someone dillydallies through life. You’ve got to have drive – that’s so sexy… If I feel like I’m being controlled, I get crazy. Because I know I made it this far by following my intuition. I think people like who I am, and I like who I am, and I want to be a better version of myself every single day. So stop controlling me!”
[HOLLAH! Nothing will drive a normal girl away faster than a way-too-clingy or controlling guy. And apathy is just... well, ew. Ambition = hot. Remember this, gentlemen.]
On sucking at casual relationships…
“I love music that moves me and makes the hair on my arms stand up. And I want the same thing in relationships. Either you can keep up or you can’t.”
[So keep up... or get left behind.]
On sack-relations..
“When I was meeting people in L.A., guys always thought that if they paid for dinner, they deserved a blow job. But generally, I’ll say this- and I’ll say it proudly – I can’t sleep with someone if I don’t have a connection with them.”
[yup.]
On Michael Jackson…
[k, I added that one in because I'm hilarious like that.]
On games…
“Games are not really cute to me… although they work on everyone [Laughs]. I like a guy who will call. I don’t care about the three day rule.”
[THANK YOU. Headgames are soooo undergrad. So fun. So painful. So immature.]
On what her man (Russel Brand) has over other guys…
“A vocabulary! He could slay anybody with the things that he says. He doesn’t even need his fists.”
[BLOGITORS NOTE: Here here! Nothing is hotter than a witty boy who can spit out big words and actually make sense. I've always been a sucker for smart boys - and when they're verbally smart... be still my heart.]
On when she’ll settle down…
“When I find a partner who’s my teammate. I’m not going to play by any rules, I’m just going to go with my heart. Why wait? I just wrote a song that goes ‘they say it’s hard to meet your match, gotta find my other half so we can make a perfect shape.”
[Awww.]
Perry also reveals in the article that she’s into dudes AND chicks. She should hook up with Lady Gaga and get the best of both worlds. Wouldn’t that just be like, the hottest pant-hating crazy lesbanim couple EVER? Move over Ellen & Portia – Gaga & K-Perz ftw! <3
I have been writing for entirely too long. I’ve got to get to bed and rest up for a big day tomorrow. Sunday night already… jeesh – these weekends just fly by, don’t they? I had another amazing one. I think that I’ll do a ‘best of February’ photoblog when I get a chance.
I wish I had the time to blog about every single one of my adventures individually, but alas, I am a busy girl and the school work – she is a-callin’…
If only I could land a summer job or something that allowed me to write about my exploits full time! That would be soooooo nice … VOTE LAUREN FOR AXE.
Come ahhhn… come ahhhhhn!
<3 Lauren
PS - HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! It's the year of the Toooiger, did you know? RAWR! MEOW! Tigers are big kittehs, YEY!
Ohsnap – here’s an ‘ethics of blog-a-malism’ debate topic for us. I just googleimaged “chinese new year kitteh” and stumbled upon this image…
So riddle me this, friends – where does a young blogournalist draw the line between funny and offensive? I obviously err on the side of… whatever the opposite of caution is usually, but is this one straight up racist or plain hilarious? I would argue that it’s both, but who am I to argue anything?
Is the mere allusion towards a racial stereotype justified if it’s comedic enough? I’ll let you ponder this while I go into hibernation mode… my mind is on critical low-bat right now.
*for the record, laurenoutloud.com does not condone racism, sexism, speciecism, or kicking eldery women in the face. Unless it’s really really funny.
PAJAMA VLOG.
Feb 4th
My first attempt at video blogging. Actually… it wasn’t an attempt at anything – I just turned on my webcam and started talking and 6 minutes later I was like “OMG… I think I just vlogged…”
<3LauLau
I need your ridiculously good looking FACE!
Feb 1st
Hey all!
Dig my pink pug pjs? me too – a present from mommy! She knows I love me up some puggage… and pinkage… and pyjamage…
Anyways, the reason for this post: I need some help with one of the first challenges in AXE Canada’s ridiculously, ridiculously good summer gig competition.
You know how when there’s an election going on people put signs in front of their houses to rep for their political party or candidate of choice?
Well, think of this note as me knocking on your front door and asking you to put a “VOTE FOR LAUREN” sign on your front lawn. Except your front lawn = facebook.
Now, I’m not asking you to change your profile pic or anything – that would be ludicrous! – all I need for you to do is pose with a lovely sign that says “I Vote for Lauren”, upload it to facebook, and tag me in it.
The more “supporters” I get to do this, the better – and if I get more than any of the other competitors, I win the challenge. That, my friends, would be niiiice
So what do you say? Lend me your mug and I’ll give you a hug! I really will!
Ready to help a sister out?
1. Print off the official AXE “I vote for” sign at www.laurenoutloud.com/thesign.pdf
2. Write my name in the blank space
3. Take a photo of yourself holding the sign (use your webcam, digicam, cellphone cam – whatever floats your boat)
4. Upload the photo to your facebook account
5. Tag both yourself and me in the photo
Voila! C’est fini! Easy as pie, non?
Hollah if you need any help or clarification or like, a reference letter for LIFE because you rule at it.
I really appreciate any and all the help I can get with this!
Love always,
-L
