i’m going on a diet.

It’s true.

I can’t deny the fact that my lifestyle is simply unhealthy any longer. If I want to be the best Lauren I can be, I’ve got to make a change.

Sure, it’ll be hard to give up some of the things I love (or at least consume them at a more moderate level) but I know it’s for the best. I’ll have more energy, sleep better, and maybe I’ve even look a bit prettier too.

Certain parts of my body will thank me in spades, of course…

Most notably my wrists, thumbs, and retinas.

Bros, hoes and unacquainted joes – my name is BeeBerry McGee and I am a helplessly addicted digital glutton.

What, you didn’t think I was going to give up my frogurts and lollipops or something now did you? let’s not get CRAZY here. These chicken-legs don’t need to get any… chickenyer (shut up).

The diet I’m about to attempt is an “e-diet” – a digital detox, of sorts.

Not like, the legit annual digital detox week pimped by Adbusters (<3)  since that’s already passed for this year (Though rumor has it there will be another one in September), but my own little modified detox.

Due to the nature of what I do to bring home the facon, going cold turkey is simply not an option for me at this point. I’d lose both of my jobs if I couldn’t use a computer and I’d lose both of my remaining marbles if I couldn’t use a smartphone.

What I CAN manage to do without tossing my career into the toilet, however, is take ONE day per week offline.

No laptop, no desktop, no BlackBerry, no iPad (I say this as if I actually HAVE one). Maybe I’ll even get REAL crazy and say ta-ta to the teevee too. It’s not like I ever actually sit down and watch it exclusively, anyways… but I do like to have it on in the background of my life.  I actually get anxious when the TV isn’t on.  It’s a comfort thing, I think. I never feel alone when I’ve got the familar voices of my extended family (Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Hank, Peggy, Bobby, Rachel, Monica, Joey, Chandler, Elaine, George, Jerry, Stan, Kyle, Cartman… you know where I’m going with this) around me in stereo.

Now, I’ve seen enough episodes of Bulging Brides (don’t judge) to know that if you try to quit your bad habits cold turkey, you’ll backfire big time.

You can’t just go from eating pie-filled cakes and chocolate-covered cheese bricks to kale and arugula overnight without some seeerious backlash bingeing.)

Thus, I must wean myself slowly off the electro-crack that fuels my happy until I can go one full day per week without touching any of my email accounts.

Just the thought of that makes me more nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full o’ rocking chairs!

Soooo why the heck am I doing this, you ask?

Maybe you didn’t even ask that -  but I’m going to tell you anyways because this is myyyyy blog.

The other day, I read an article about “nature deficit disorder” in a ladies magazine I picked up from the mystery pile of random reading crap at my gum.

I have reason to believe, as I often come to do when reading articles of this nature, that I am suffering from said disorder.

And you are too, I bet.

And the children! All of the children…

Next Monday, it begins. Monday is a civic holiday in Canada, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to stop thinking about work.

If it’s nice out, I’m taking off into the forest with NO phone, NO computer, NO GPS (that doesn’t sound smart, does it?) and I’m getting back to my cavewomanly roots for half a day. (baby steps.)

I am HUMAN, hear me HUME!!!

Wow. Word to the wise – if you’re going to google “cavewoman”, expect a lot of rule 34.

Love,

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