Hilarity
The Fine Brothers: Spoiling novels, stealing hearts
Sep 7th
Crush of the day = these boys. Nerd is teh hot. You know this.
Regard: Four minutes. 50 book spoilers. One of the most educational lunch breaks you’ll ever have:
Symbolism people, SYMBOLISM.
Now I don’t even need to read those Twilight books everybody’s been raving about.
The next time I see a group of 15-year-old girls at the mall I’m going to run right up to them and scream “OMG WASN’T IT AWESOME WHEN EDWARD CUT THAT BABY OUT OF BELLA’S STOMACH?!”
And then we’ll gab and bond until security comes to take me away, at which point the terrified youngsters will breathe a sigh of relief and dial up their mommies to let them know that the crazy lady has been apprehended…
Ahhh daydreams.
<3L
Wal-Mart Dancing Granny = Role Model
Aug 17th
Oh. Snap.
That’s the sound of my hip breaking, 68 years in the future when I try to bust out a split jump at 92. It will be THAT loud because my bones are THAT strong. Drink your milk, kids.
I’ve been saying for years that my life goal is to become a hilarious old lady – perhaps of the rapping variety – so when I logged onto Buzzfeed this morning as per yooje and saw this, I was stoked.
Girls like me need more positive role models, wouldn’t you say?
Behold – MY FUTURE (minute 0:49 is where it really starts to get good):
I joke about how one day I will be that woman, but the truth is I kind of already am – minus 60 some-odd years, of course.
I don’t chill out in front of the CD listening box at Wal-Mart (things must be different where homegirl lives… in my neck of the woods, those stations are all crappy flute-laced lullaby mixes and puppets who sing about sharing) but I AM that girl who dances around the aisles of the supermarket like she’s Britney 1.0 when some good tunes are blaring over the PA.
If nobody’s around to see, I’ll practice pirouettes in the produce section – and I’m not just saying that for alliteration’s sake.
I bump and grind my way down the frozen food corridors, doing my little turn on the catwalk, even going so far as to slide across a particularly shiny floor like Tom Cruise in risky business when I feel like it.
I’d prove this with a video if I could find a friend who wasn’t too embarrassed to be seen with me when I get like this.
I’m not actually bff with that lil’ nugget, but I found that picture in my Mexico album when I was looking for the sunhat one above and I had to work it into this post somehow. Too scary good.
But back to our new friend.
Remember Grandpa Gaga? Well this is where I would have said he’s got some competition if I didn’t first think of a loooove connection.
What can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic. This is a match made in heaven. Almost a little bit too literally…
eek.
Before this post gets any weirder, I think I should get to bed. It’s been a long, productive day! Big things popping once again my friends… big big things 
Night night, sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite! (seriously.)
Love always,
- Grandma Gaga.
Congratulations, Lisa Simpson!
Aug 1st
… is what I would have been saying, had my cartoon counterpart’s betrothed not dissed Homer’s sweet piggy cufflinks and proved himself to be a big ol’ British JOIK right before the wedding.
Mad props for ditching that D-bag before you got all nuptualized, Lees. You’re way too good for him, anyways. Plus, you’re only 23 years old! That’s too young for a smart blonde cookie to settle down… right?
right?
For a fictional wedding that didn’t actually happen, the Simpson-Parkfield affair sure is making some waves in the blogosphere. Some might even say it’s the wedding of the weekend…
Others, not so much.
<3 Lauren Marie O’Simpson-Parkfield.
Everything is (SO NOT) terrible
Jul 16th
I don’t know how to begin describing what I saw at the Drake Underground Monday night.
I seriously can’t think of an appropriate adjective.
“Weird” is too tame. “Awesome” is too lame. “Hilarious” is thrown around way too loosely in my everyday vocabulary to be used on something that literally made my face ache from laughing so hard for two hours straight. My cheeks are quivering just thinking about it.
I’m sure there’s a word somewhere within the English language to describe Everything is Terrible’s Quest for the Magick Crystal Tour… If not in English, then surely in Mandarin, and if not Mandarin, then SURELY in Newspeak. “doubleplusgood“, perhaps?
Whatever the most appropriate adjective is, it should most definitely be used with an emphatic “fucking” in front of it.
As promised, EIT’s new film (2Everything2Terrible2: Tokyo Drift) pretty much melted my face off just like everything else on their genius flucking website.
If you like post-postmodernist psychadellic pseudo-vintage pop culture remixes, or are a hypersatirical millenial neo-nerd who tries to use schmancy terms in big run-on sentences like me *BREATH*, you’ll love this film.
Also, if you have eyeballs you’ll love this film.
If you didn’t already know, Everything is Terrible = Seven internet monsters who scour the seven seas (but like, on land) for old VHS tapes with so-weird-it’s-pee-your-pants-hilarious stuff on them that isn’t actually supposed to be hilarious but IS hilarious – know what I mean?
Stuff like Educational Christian videos, Cat massage tutorials from the 80s, and the creepiest/BEST yoga workout video for children in the history of yoga, workout videos and children:
EIT takes said VHS tapes, digitize them and puts them online for you to watch at work while you’re supposed to be doing something less awesome.
THEN, they take these fabulous clips and re-mix them into insanely entertaining feature-length films like the one I saw on Monday night during their show at The Drake.
I think I fell legitimately in love with these monsters after seeing them do their thing in person – and by “do their thing” i mean dance around the room, make witty quips in funny voices and teach the audience about shade tippage.
Did I mention that they’re monsters from the internet? Monsters. From THE INTERNET.
(image by Ashley Macknica)
*sigh*
I used to think I was quirky and unique for loving weird shit like this. Not to sound like a hipster who gets all pissy when their favourite obscure underground band starts to get popular but like… well you know where I’m going with this.
To fetch my dinner from the microwave, that’s where – ’cause that little black tray of sodium saturated goodness certainly isn’t going to walk into my belly on its own, now is it?
yup.
Love always,
Lauren O’Gilgamesh.
Pizza Upskirts (and other weird sh*t I found online)
Jul 13th
If you can see the link to a Flickr gallery called “Pizza Upskirts” and not click on it, then all the power to ya, my pure & mature friend.
I was sort of relieved / disappointed to find that this album didn’t actually contain any of the creeper-style upskirt shots with mini-pizzas photoshopped over the NSFW bits I was half expecting.
Um, anyways – I was clearing out MORE pictures from my miniscule hard drive (whom I have named Thumbelina McDumdum) and I stumbled upon the following gems in one of my many old “hilar” folders.
I wish I could give image credit where image credit is due (for a change) but alas, I have no idea where most of these came from. I really really wish I did so that I could go back and find more weirdness. After seeing this tonight @ the Drake, I’m in the mood for offbeat… but I’m not even going to get into how incredibly, mind-blowing and NOT terrible Everything is Terrible is, ’cause that’s a whoooole other blogpost. One that I will write tomorrals.
Now laugh and/or feel uncomfortable, please:
(cyanide and happiness, ftw!)
And my favourite photo of the right now:
/whiz-bang wonderful
It seems as though my blog is experiencing a temporary identity crisis. Silly laurenoutloud.com – you’re not hosted by Tumblr!
omglate.
bed.
night!
<3 NizzlyLoo
PS - if you'd like to read some of my more... erm... coherent work for some reason, I've got a new post up on thestar.com’s intern blog. It’s about G20 Gawkers and citizen journalism.
I wrote a biglong story at work today too when I wasn’t busy writing up little crime gests. That felt good. As much as I adore writing about traffic fatalities and stabbings, sometimes it’s cool to stretch my legs in the box a bit.
Grandpa Gaga : Geriatric groover puts pop star to shame
Jun 30th
Oh great and mighty interweb, eternal bearer of random hilariousness and all things awesome, you’ve done it again!
Meet ‘Grandpa Gaga’, cats and kittens; The latest in a long line of viral video superstars, coming soon to every computer screen in an office building near you.
He’s spry, he’s sassy, and he can jig for DAYS son! I don’t know what’s more impressive; when he turns into a butterfly and does about a gazillion speedy jumping jacks in a row, or his noble split attempt around minute 2:16.
Either way, his dopeness supersedes anything we’ve seen come through meme land in quite a while.
I bet he picks up like mad at the retirement home box social.
Ten bucks this guy’s on Ellen by the end of the week. Twenty that he’s linked to Betty White in a late-night comedy bit.
Ayooooh!
Time for a quick shower and then it’s off to the Mashable Social Media Meetup – TO stylez at the Madison. Can’t make it? Lame to be you (i keed!) – watch the livestream instead!
-Nizz
SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY! (are you ready for the MMVAs & afterparties?)
Jun 20th
Oh it is ON mans and womans. It’s on like Donkey Kong… like a Donkey Kong Thong… Like Donkey Kong singin’ the thong song ON.
Finally, after weeks and weeks – nay, MONTHS and MONTHS- of anticipation, MMVA madness has hit its peak! In less than 24 hours, The MuchMusic Video Awards will pop of at the corner of Queen st. W. and John St. in Toronto Ontario and IT. WILL. BE. EPIC.
Hello, btw
I’ve been so dang busy running around town these past few days, preparing for Sunday’s festivities, catching up with old homies and taking in as much NXNE awesomeness as is humanly possible that I haven’t had much time to blog about everything – and for this, I apologize… though I do hope that my onslaught of tweets has kept you feeling up-to-date on all of the sweet happenings taking place in the teeeedot this week.
I’m actually typing this post up on my blackberry while I ride the subway downtown. It’s jam packed up in here, and I’m pretty sure lady sitting next to me with her eyes trained on my hands is reading every word that I’m writing right now…
Oooh! “arriving at Osgoode, Osgoode station…” that’s my stop! I’ll finish this later…
(Later…)
Hi again!
What a day this has been so far! In the past 5 hours I’ve watched Katy Perry, The Raveonettes, Stereos, Justin Bieber and Iggy Pop rock out on stage. I bought some shoes too. I’m starting to develop a habit… Toronto is bad for my wallet. Maybe I should buy a new wallet…
Uh… where was I? MMVA Eve, yes! As you know, I am a Virgin Mobile VVIP for the 2010 MuchMusic Video Awards. This means that I’ll be blogging, vlogging and tweeting up a storm all day long tomorrow – expect some majorhuge photo, video, and story posts come Monday. I’ll be rolling with my BB (for to Tweet with), my good camera, a notepad and my camcorder.
I’m going media-ninja on this event, my friends… it’s my favourite thing to do Stay tuned.
And on that note – I just want to warn everybody right now that I will not be sticking to the ‘5 tweets per day’ twettiquette rule tomorrow (do I ever?). I’ll pretty much be e-blabbing a mile a minute as I prepare for the event, moon over celebbys on the red carpet, watch the big show and then hit up the afterparties. Sorry.
And speaking of afterparties, there are about a zillion of them going on, eh? I’m slated to hit up Perez Hilton’s MMVA afterparty for definite, but who knows where I’ll end up post-pink-carpet?
Where are YOU going to be tomorrow night after Canada’s biggest and bestest awards show shuts it down? If you haven’t got the foggiest, check out this list of Sunday night’s best MMVA afterparties, courtesy of Canadian celebrity blogger Zack Taylor :
Snooki - Century Room
Drake, Hedley and Justin Rego - This Is London
Jonathan Toews, Blake McGrath, Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Adam Lambert and Fefe Dobson - Ultra Supper Club
DJ Pauly D - SkyBar
Ill Scarlett, Midway State and Rob Dyer - MOD Club
Ashley Tisdale and Cobra Starship - Opera House
Stereos - Nyood Nightclub
Whitney Port and Kristin Cavallari - Dolce
Down with Webster - Cheval
Danny Fernandes and Belly - Lobby Lounge
I’m thinkin’ that I might have to hit up Century Room for a cartwheel or two with Snooki if I can get in… but the two major parties that I want to hit are at Ultra (the official MMVA afterparty spot) and This is London (Universal’s bash).
Too much awesome! I wish I could use a magical hammock to split myself into five different people, go to five different parties, and then reconvene with my selves at the end of the night to share pictures/stories/cute-boy-email-addys…
I need to peace on out for some more festivations right meow and then rest up. It’s going to be a huge Sunday. Huge like this HUGE FRICKIN’ DOG or this HUGE RUBIK’S CUBE. HUGER, even – like this lady’s… tank top:
I’ve got an interview lined up with someone very, very cool in the afternoon tomorrow. Someone I’ve idolized for a long time I don’t want to jinx anything, but… watch my tweetfeed around 1:30 if you’re interested.
Love always,
Lauren O’Neil, the living bundle of nerves/excitement…
Oh Oh – one Pee Ess: Last night during MMVA sound checks at MuchMusic, the entire block just happened to black out (oops!). I had just left Toshiba’s Primer Party at Ultra when it happened, so we decided to head west for more NXNE stuff. As we were crossing Queen at Spadina, some amazing drunk, shirtless guy was trying to direct traffic. It was so hilarious – definitely one of the best things I’ve seen IRL in a while.
Fortunately, my homie Sean Ward caught the whole thing on tape (hoorah, modern technolomagies!). Check it oots!
My Celebrity Doppleganger…
Apr 2nd
You know how when you’ve got a huge pile of work to do that you don’t really want to do because it’s basically SUMMERTIME in April and it’s also Good Friday and your friends are headed to the beach but you’ve got to go to school because you’re a journalism student at Western and that’s just how the program rolls so you go onto the internet and procrastinate by writing ridiculously long run-on sentences – sans commas – in a blog post that would totally drive your copyediting prof. mad with grammatically induced rage?
Yeah. That’s what I’m doing right meow.
I’ll make this snappy so that I can get back to transcribing / woefully staring out the window and wishing I were frolicking accross our beautiful campus.
*le sigh*
Somewhere, in the midst of 18 open Firefox windows on my laptop (yes, each with it’s own myriad of tabs. Thank goodness for that RAM upgrade at Christmastime), I found this little gem hiding between “jobs at college humor” and an article about robot journalists last night.
I had stumbled upon the doppleganger meme a few weeks ago (months after it was actually popular, I know) and didn’t get around to playing with it until well, just now.
I wasn’t overly impressed with the accuracy at first. I uploaded a whole whack of random photos and was getting the usual suspects – Kirsten Dunst, Cameron Diaz, Reese Witherspoon, Paris Hilton – blah. But THEN, something happened that blew my mind.
I uploaded a straight-on face shot from last year – a UWindsor grad photo from the cutting room floor that is my “scrap’d” folder.
And I found my doppleganger:
Bwahahahaha – Mad lulz! This seriously made my day.
Kthxbye.
Love Always,
Lauris Roberts.
OH WAIT! A PEE ESS!
P.S. – For everyone who’s been AXEing about the AXE gig – Did I win? Did I lose? Will I be having the greatest summer of my life?
I don’t know, I don’t know, and Yes – win or lose, this is going to be a summer to remember.
The winner of AXE Canada’s Ridiculously, Ridiculously good summer gig will be announced at the end of April.
Until that time, you can find me going about my bizznass singing “doo DOO doo doo, doo DOO doooo… doo DOO doo DOO DOOOO, doo doo doo doo doo…”
Singing, of course, because I can’t whistle and it’s not like I’m going to bring a piano around with me everywhere I go.
Come on now, let’s be realistic here!
<3
The “Lauren for AXE” Rap!
Mar 29th
I know you’ve already seen my rap recitation skills on the teevee, but this jam is an original. Penned it meself! Err… keyed it, rather.
I hope you like it (enough to send me a fansign by tomorrow! ja? )
Presenting, Lauren O’Neil for Axe Canada in “Lauren for Axe” – a corny white girl production…
Aight DJ – Let’s hit it!
If you liked that track, please feel free to spread the worrrrrd to your mothah (and like, everybody you know.)
In other AXE gig related news, I was on the radio again this morning! This time, in my sweet awesome hometown of Chathawesome, Ontario.
It was nice to return to CKSY, even if only for a few minutes.
I did an internship there during highschool and let me tell you, kids – it was good times. If you want a sweet highschool internship, work at a radio station. So chill.
I used to love driving around in those big ol’ CKSY/ROCK vans, dropping off prizes to lucky listeners. It really was a sweet little gig… until that one fateful day when an old lady t-boned me coming out of a parking lot and spoiled my less-than-25-years-of-age-and-thus-no-longer-allowed-to-drive-the-company-vehicle fun. #oldpeoplecantdrive
Anyways, big ups to my homie Chris McLeod at CKSY for interviewing me. Look – here he is with a monkey!
I effing love monkeys.
Somebody send me a monkey or five.
I’m on the fast track towards becoming a crazy cat lady, and that kind of bothers me. It’s not a very original identity. “The crazy monkey lady”, on the other hand… I could be the ORIGINAL!
Love,
“BLARHGHBLAHHBLAHRAAAHHBLARRHGH!!!”
The Cluster Fizzle & a txt war with Al Hal.
Mar 22nd
Every day, I fall in love with a new Tumblr blog.
I’ve been spending a lot of time cruising the Tumblrverse lately. It’s a humour-loving procrastinator’s playground.
If you don’t already know, tumblr = the new awesome.
Actually, it’s been teh awesome for a while… I’m just kind of slow to catch on (unless you contrast me with my grandma or something. Homegirl hasn’t even cracked 100 followers on Twitter yet. Psh.)
My Tumblr blog of t’day = But You’re Like Really Pretty.
From my understanding, it’s some artist guy who creates these hilarious little celeb-slamming comics and presents them to the world on his tumblr blog as an animated version of Regina George.
I’m loving it. And not only because I watched Mean Girls TWICE this weekend (bringing my lifetime total views of that film up to a kabillion and two.)
Anyways, The reason I set out to blog today during class during my free time is to turn your attention to the AXE CANADA RIDICULOUSLY RIDICULOUSLY SUMMER GIG COMPETITION – again.
Our latest challenge - “24 hours with” - is ready for your entertainment! Hoorah!
The top five guys were paired up with the top give girls for a day long text-message/camera phone pic interview challenge sort of thingamajig… it was good times.
If you could mosey on over and vote and comment, well gee golly jeepers, that would be just swell!
Big ups to Mr. Al Hal, my partner in crime for this challenge.
You can see my interview Q’s for him on his page, and you might as well toss a vote his way while you’re over there voting lauren for axe, because he’s one chilll ice muthalovah!
I can’t believe how fast all of this AXE stuff has flown by… we’re almost at the end of the voting period! Little over a week to go, eeee! Get those fansigns in, gentlemen! I still need like, 11 more before the bikini run can happen.
Let’s make it happen, kids.
Lahv, Lahv, Lahv,
Lauren O’Neeeeeil.
Pee Ess -> If you like Nizzle, you’ll love the cluster fizzle!
