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Oh my snap. The Duffster is joining the ridiculously good-looking cast of Gossip Girl!!!
Like all of the Disney-whores that I lurrrrved on the family channel shows that filled my after-school teenage years (aka Even Stevens’ Shia La-Sexy), I can’t help but heart Hilary. She’ll always be Lizzie to me.
If homegirl ends up boning one of my boyfriends, however… this will change.
Oh… hi there Ed, Penn and Chace… 
Hi…
Hi…
Courtesy of iliketotallyloveit.com and (I assume, for the most part) Japanese people, here are some of the things that I need right now can’t afford, but will buy when…
a) I’m a super successful grown-up with nothing but two Siamese cats, a hot whip, and a fierce wardrobe to spend my scads of expendible income on…
b) The terminal geezer I seduce into a marriage – sans prenuptuals – fiiiinally croaks and leaves me the keys to the safe (and the Lambo, myawwww)…
c) I finally take the plunge and use my badass ninja stealthness to just rob a dang bank already…
Let’s fetishize over material possessions together for a moment, shall we?
(I would tell myself that it’s a mini VEGGIE-burger vacuum. Fight the power, fight the crumbies.)
(If I were a cartoon character, at the moment I laid eyes upon this magnet set, a thought bubble filled with less-than-three style hearts would have filled the space above my head, expanding and expanding and expanding with <3s until I remembered that I'm a poor, poor, dirt poor grad student... and then it would have melted down the screen over my melodramatic sailor moon style whiny face. fml.)
(for to be punching with, ja!)
(I swear, entire shops could be devoted to kitschy flash drives nowadays… heck… I bet they already exist. Maybe I could own one… maybe I’ve just found my calling… YUSSAHHHHHH!)
(Who WOULDN’T want this?! The only thing better would be CELEBRITY food face plates. Imagine scooping marinara sauce off of David Beckham or Brody Jenner… that might be fun. Ya know, celebrity torso plates might be cool too… or genital plates… okay j/k. I want the funny cartoon plate. I think he’d look cute in Quinoa and Kale.)
(I could have so. much. fun. freaking people out with this.)
The (not yet invented) transparent toaster:
(Just because it’s kinda neat. I’d use it to entertain my party guests, if I had parties. Or guests. Or friends? :S)
And guess what ELSE I found on that website? Something that I already DO have, courtesy of my dope-ass little brother who special ordered it off of ebay for me last X-Mas (complete with an emulator and tons of games. Good games, too. I’m talking Super Pitfall, Adventure Island, Goonies, Maniac Mansion, A boy and his blob, and obvs the SuperMarioBros trilogy):
So, I’ve already allocated about a month’s worth of ‘future-money’ in the last hour, and I haven’t even hit fred flare yet. Oi… curse my penchant for pretty things, neat things, novel things, colourful things… things in general, really.
Nizz, OUT.
Dinnertime.
Brown rice, broccoli and tofu steak with lots of hot sauce. Habenero! mmmmm-MMM!
This commercial came onto my TV this morning while I was getting ready for school. I stopped putting on my second coat of mascara long enough to stop and watch. After getting over the initial “wow, that’s a damn smart PR move, I wonder what agency does their work?”, an involuntary “Yeah, FUCK YOU!” escaped my mouth. I wasn’t really sure how I felt about the GM bailout until that moment.
I guess Margaret Wente rubbed off on me.
Huh.
Ya… totally just realized that I’ve been walking around all morning with my ugliest effing bra sticking out the top of my shirt. What a skank.
Thank Buddah for Webcams – I was able to snap that right here in the school computer lab!
*sigh* Moving pains.
At home, I have people around who feel comfortable enough to be like “Yo, Nizz – your uh… bra is showing” or “Hey Lauren, you’ve got Mustard all over your face. and shirt. and phone… Again.”
My classmates and I get along great; don’t get me wrong – lots of cool cats, to be sure – but we’re still in that “too polite to pick the long random creepy hairs off each others’ cardigans” stage.
I’m just going to make sure that I wear pretty bras to school from now on. God forbid my strikingly handsome professor (who I will henceforth refer to as Clarky, because I’m pretty sure he busts out of his crisp suit jacket every night, revealing a shiny blue 8-pack to his gaggle of adoring concubines) sees the worn, flesh-toned A-cup enhancer that I’ve been rocking since 2006.
(That’s bacon, btw.)
In other non-news, I happened to catch the first hour of what, in my opinion, is the most compelling break-out television series of the season. No, scratch that – the year. NBC execs will no-doubt be lauded as visionaries and showered with praise by critics everywhere for this one!
Featuring an all-star cast of talented, attractive individuals with bright careers in store, it was as entertaining as it was informative.
J, the fuck, K.
Screw you, “I’m a Celebrity – Get Me Out of Here!”. That’s one hour of my fragmented attention that I’ll never get back! I could have spent those non-commercial breaks focusing on something worthwhile and important!
I have to admit, I did enjoy the Spencer/Heidi stuff for about ten minutes. Then it was like, alright, whatever… this is ghey. I can turn on re-runs of the Hills if I want to watch Spencer Pratt act like a dick – at least I don’t have to look at the likes of boring fuggs like ‘Frangela’ (who-ever the fuck they are?) and Janice Dickinson. Though, as I tweeted last night, Ms. Dickinson deserves a lot more respect than people give her. I mean, the woman is a god damn American Pioneer. As she is constantly reminding us in the intros to every boring F-List-junky filled reality show she pays to appear on, she IS the first supermodel. The first supermodel to have a human vagina transplanted onto her face. I give her mad cred for making such a bold statement. Rock on, troutmouth… Rock on.
*shudder*
My verdict? Two pigtails dooooooown.
And just because I <3 me some good ol' gratuitous smooth space, and because stealing bandwidth obviously gets my rocks off:
Shashashashasha….
Oh… and the little white dog saved the day.
Love Always,
- Lord No-Heart.
“BEAAAAASSSTLLLLLYYYYYY?????!??!!!”
Archie has finally chosen between Betty and Veronica. He proposed! To the wrong buxom beauty!!!
What-the-frick EVER Arch. I should have known better than to have had faith in a boy who has a tic-tac-toe board on the side of his head.
You can have him, Veronica, you moustache-a-ty materialistic brat. In these tough economic times, he probably only wants you for your mad scrilla anyways.
My heart goes out to Betty’s heart… who doesn’t even have a heart, because she isn’t real.
My bet is that Archie will leave Ronnie at the alter when he realizes that, well… blondes do it better. Every single time, in every single way
Ahhh I jest, I jest, my dark haired friends.
In other animated news, Mike Judge’s new show, “The Goode Family” premiered last night.
I don’t have time for a full out review, since I’ve got to leave for school in like, -5 minutes, but I’ll say that it was better than aight. slightly.
I think that my expectations were so high that nothing could have impressed me all that much. It was good – well written, relevant.. yeah, I liked it. I’ll definitely be tuning in next week. If it’s anything like King of the Hill, a lot of the humor will be based on the quirks of characters that the audience comes to know and love throughout the course of the series. I guess I can’t expect that amazing level of character development to appear in the pilot. I’ve gotten to know the Hills for years – I hope that the Goode’s will stick around that long. There’s definitely a lot to be said about the issues that the show tackles. So many good jokes Two pigtails up from Nizz!
Have a brah dagen, y’all!
The Spanish Granny kicked the can at 97 years of age.
I can’t understand a word she writes, but isn’t Maria Amelia Lopez effing precious?
<3 <3 <3
I think that more eldery people (or senior citizens or whatever the feck the politically correct term for a blue-hair is) should be using the internet. It's a great tool for both communication and entertainment. A lot of old people are lonely and like to bitch. The interwebs, of course, are where it's AT for folks like this.
Match up your ornery old G’ma with some obese, laid off auto-worker who hates ‘the Hills’ so much that he has to flame MTV’s forums for 13 hours a day, and they could debate all night, providing each other with hours of entertainment – until Granny realizes that ‘Speidy’ isn’t a type of fruit preserve and myexwifeisawhore_37 realizes that Granny still has all of her natural teeth. (WARNING – that link is not safe for work. And everybody behind me in the computer lab right now probably thinks I’m a sick, sick fuck. Like… I am a sick, sick fuck, but now they KNOW I’m a sick, sick fuck.)
Oh, what a huge market there would be to tap into if only grandma and grandpa learned how to turn on the ol’ computing machines – en masse! Geriatric dating websites, simulated bingo scratch ticket games, online tutorials for hippening up senior wardrobes…
Expect a new layout by the end of the weekend. I’m hoping that a change-up will inspire me to start blogging more. Shite’s been crazy these last couple of weeks; starting grad school and moving cities and whatnot. But it’s good. Life is good. I’m pretty happy.
Before I go, I thought I’d share this random image that came up when I typed “sexy old lady” into the search engine. Gotta love google images.
seriously, wtf?
I just wrote a long post, but it will remain unpublished. It got way too personal. I’m worried to write just about anything publicly right now, since everything that spills forth from these fingers is just negativity – and negativity breeds negativity and nobody benefits from negativity. Except for like, Hitler, and he probably doesn’t read my blog because he’s dead and stuff. And even if he were alive, I’m sure he’d be way too busy to read some Canadian chick’s stupid blog, right? Like, the Fuhrers got his biznass to take care of.
Watch this now, minion.
K, so it’s a painfully transparent and poorly produced rip off of that new(ish) viral Andy Samberg ft. T. Pain jam (that really only gets a weak thumb up from for the inclusion of T-Pain’s self mockery), but I’ll never tire of snuggie humour. case in point.
The sham-wow shout out bumped that dull gem up to blogworthy.
You know what… I kind of feel better already. Blogging really is therapeutic, I guess. Youtube, more-so. Half naked fat dudes; definitely.
One more thing, quickly, before ‘everybody loves raymond’ comes on and I have to get up to either turn the channel or grab a spoon to scoop my own eyeballs out…
Is anybody else digging P’s new coif? Like, disregard the heinous threads and wonky eye for a sec. That cute little bob is just effing perfect, in my humble opinion. Then again, I did have a crush on Steve Buscemi until I was like… 23…
shut up.
<3 you for reading…
(peace)
Lohan for Fornarina. ahahahaha *puke*
This should not be shown outside of Japan. After 1987. To anybody with a heartbeat.
okokokokok I’m back ok? I mean it. you’ll see.
This is the kind of thing that gives hip-hop a bad rap. sheeeeeet/
I could spend like, an hour explaining why but fuck… is that even necessary? I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I didn’t.
Hahahaha… How the fuck did these guys make it onto the Top100 R&B charts?
